The Deep End

Obscurity.

Obscurity.

(Noun; the state of being unknown, inconspicuous, or unimportant).

2:00 AM.

February 7, 2010.

As I lay there on my back, hands slightly crossed over my stomach, head angled towards the roof. 

The only thing I could hear was the restless wind rumbling outside my window & my heart beating to the tunes of the blues. My eyes we're glued open & There was no remedy for the ache that bounced inside my little body. 

It has been months since I've spoken to my mother. 

Months since I've had a full meal. 

Months since I've had freshly cleaned clothes &

 months since I've felt loved.

All I ever did was think,think & think. It will kill me, i know it will but i still do it anyway.

I get up, sighing. This time not afraid of waking up the  beast since he isn't home to begin with.

I go to the kitchen & grab a mango Capri-sun, I stab the juice box open, shoulders slumping. 

If only  my mother was here to yell at me for my bad posture. 

If only  she was here to panic seeing the house dusty. 

I've managed to learn a few skills key to my survival. It's been hard, but one cannot mourn. 

Survival of the fittest. 

Not as if i felt I've had a purpose in life, but for the well being of my mother & my small sister. 

If i could just kiss my mothers rosy cheeks goodbye.

 I Wouldn't mind letting go of myself.

I forcefully walk myself to my room slumping on the bed,crossing my bony legs upon each other. Face postured towards the window, Glazed brown eyes exploring every detail of the dark winter sky. 

How can something so sad, so angry, so dark look so beautiful?

It was the truth, dark & lonely but it was the truth & honesty is the best policy isn't it?

I let out a yawn, yes of course I'm tired. 

My mind on the other hand was restless & I couldn't cage it down.

My eye's glued to the blue-black sky, my palm resting against the cold glass. I felt like a caged bird.