The Deep End

Melancholy

Melancholy.

(Noun; A feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause).

7:00 AM.

December 16, 2009.

I sit on the edge of my bed, my back arched downwards as if something heavy was on my shoulders. Honestly, it did feel like something heavy was placed over my shoulders. 

It was as if a wave of sadness and darkness hovered over my soul, lingering for attention. My ribs felt so empty & my heart was being constantly poked with what seemed to be a needle made up of my thoughts. 

I had no clue that this could've killed me. 

That my thoughts and opinions were dangerous not to anyone but to myself. 

I sigh & leave to school like always, only these days I left the house with the demons that I didn't know existed.

8:30 AM

December 16,2009.

I walked into my class, as always. I really disliked school, but for the past week its been an escape from whats going on back at home. It didn't stop me from thinking about it but I wasn't re-living the scenario like I do at home. I quickly notice my English teacher approaching me,with her curious eyes and faint smile. she pulls a chair closer to my bench and leans towards me & as for me I just look at her with a blank expression.

"hey. Good morning" she kindly tries to start the conversation.

"Morning" I reply with a shrug. 

I normally don't reply to anyone but she is my  teacher & I should respect that.

" I wanted to ask you. Is everything okay with you? you don't seem like yourself lately. Is everything okay at home?" she spits the words out & I couldn't help but feel the toxicity flowing through my bloodstream as if I was just bitten by a snake.

Is everything okay? Am I okay? 

That  never really concerned me.

I never knew how to express my feelings & I probably never will. 

Even If my insides were lit on fire & my mind screamed reckless, misunderstood feelings. 

My mouth would never dare to pour them out.

 My mouth would never let the fire inside me die. 

It made sure I burned, but I burned to stay alive.

"Lina?" my teacher slowly touches my shoulder & I quickly snap back to reality.

"sorry, I'm just sleepy." I reply back lying. well I was actually sleepy most of the time, during this past week its either I sleep a bit too much or a bit too little. There was no in between. 

"okay, try to get more sleep then tonight" she replies with a fake smile and a pat on the shoulder,taking no time extra to get up and leave me alone.

 Finally some peace.

10:30 AM.

December 16,2009.

"Lina!, wake up!" echoed like 20 times,it was  my teacher fiercely shaking my upper body to wake me up.

I quickly get up, panting. I noticed that the whole class had their eyes glued on me, laughing their asses off at me.