The Only Hope For Me Is You ~ Phan

s i x t e e n

Trigger Warning

Laney's house was about fifteen minutes from mine, so naturally, Louise and I left fifteen minutes after we were supposed to be there.

We didn't want to be early, and it's not like we wanted to be late, we just didn't have the motivation to leave on time. Or for me, at all.

I was kinda pissed that Louise had manipulated me to wear this outfit, and show up to the get together, but I needed to force myself to actually do something. So what Phil was going to be there.

I like to think I would be okay being around Phil, but know I won't. I'm constantly lying to myself just to feel even worse.

But Laney's basement was big, so I could avoid him
easily. Hopefully.

I mean, I guess Phil would know I would be avoiding him. I've been avoiding him all fucking week. Could you blame me, though? I had fallen for this guy that I just ended things with. But I never un-fell for him, if those are the words to describe it.

So why would I torture myself by socializing with him?

I told Louise this in the car, but she wasn't seeming to have it. We had been arguing on and off ever since she got in the car with me. Any little thing was pissing me off.

"You have to at least try, Dan. You said you don't want there to be tension, and if you just ignore him, everyone is going to know what's up."

"Everyone already knows, Lou."

"Okay, but that doesn't mean it has to destroy the group, too." She snapped.

My fists clenched the wheel, turning my knuckles pale.

"Who said it was destroying the group?" I shot back. "This is Phil and I's business and just because you fucking blabbed about it doesn't mean it's tearing the group apart."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I had to tell everyone, so they wouldn't do what Jackson did. But sorry for spreading your business around. Would you rather have everyone asking you what happened?"

"They already do. It would have been so much easier if you could learn how to keep your goddamn mouth shut."

"Oh suck it up." She rolled her eyes, looking out the window. If Louise wasn't such a good friend, I would have kicked her out of the car by this point.

"You're the one that told me it was okay to be upset, and now you're criticizing me for doing it. Make up your fucking mind. But don't tell me that everything is okay and then yell at me when it's not."

"You guys weren't even dating! What's the big deal?"

I sighed. She didn't know what the big deal was. Louise hasn't been with someone serious, or as committed as Phil and I, (if you called what else had serious) and she hasn't met a soulmate, she hasn't had sex with somebody she fell for, and she hasn't had to end things with that same person. She doesn't get it.

"You don't know how I'm feeling." My tone was furious, it sounded like how a mum talks to her child after they break a rule, or knock a vase off a shelf.