The Only Hope For Me Is You ~ Phan

f o u r t e e n

Trigger Warning

Six AM was one of the worst times of day. Not just because it was the time I had to be awoken from my precious sleep (if I slept) but it was also the time I realized I had to go to school, and face Phil for the first time in two days.

I didn't leave my room after Louise left yesterday, nor did I do, well, anything really. I really had nothing to be upset over anyway. Phil and I weren't even a thing.

I mean, kind of, but, still, not really.

I blamed my sorrow on the fact that I had given Phil everything I had, and then left. It sounds dumb, but we still had that one hour left and Phil chose to leave.

Like he didn't want that extra hour with me, how I wanted it with him.

It almost felt he used me so he could get off, since before, you know. We were going to do it anyway if I hadn't stopped us.

Everything was just so confusing, and I was hurt, and I'm sure he is too, and I wanted it all to be over. I wanted to have Phil as a friend now that things are over, but I knew that wouldn't be happening.

So my drive to school was awful, to say the least. I had no idea what I would do with myself in the morning, since Phil usually met me at my car and walked me to my locker.

I'm guessing it would feel off without a hand tucked into mine as I twisted the lock with my other. It would also feel off not giving someone a kiss on the cheek before I walked into my first class. And it would also feel off not waiting for that specific person outside their class door either.

I don't even think I remember my class schedule without all the little pit stops I had to make in between.

But I parked int eh same place in the lot, and I didn't waste a second leaving it to make it into the building. The silence surrounding me was killing me, so I stuck some head phones in my ear and began playing the first song that popped up. I didn't even know the words, or the name, but it was just to fill the air. A distraction.

I guess it was some Harry Styles on my Spotify, but I wouldn't be able to recognize it without checking.

Laney was waiting at my locker when I turned the corner, a smile plastered onto her face, with her books on her hip.

"Hey, sunshine!" She chirped. Her hoop earrings bounced around as she spoke.

"Hi." I simply replied. I began to turn the lock, trying to focus. But Laney wasn't having it.

She wrapped her arm around my shoulder, turning my towards her.

"I just wanted to tell you that, um, I'm here for you. I know you had a tough weekend but-"

"Thank you. I know, but," I inhaled sharply. "I just stopped crying like, half an hour ago, and I really don't want to start up again. I love you, Laney, but I just need you to know that I really don't want to talk about it."

I kind of snapped at her. I didn't want to, because I know she meant well. She didn't seem fazed about it.

"Okay, honey. Want me to walk you to class?"