If I'm Not In Love

27

I said yes in a heartbeat which didn't surprised him. Umiling lang siya saka nagsimulang maglakad palayo sa classroom. I followed him nang hindi naaalis ang ngiti sa labi ko. I know the question was just hypothetical, but the feeling that he asked me out, it's kind of ego booster for me. He asked, eh di ibig sabihin interesado siya. And that's enough.. No. It's actually more than enough for me.

We walked to the parking lot and stopped in front of his car. Humarap siya sakin at seryoso akong tiningnan. "Are you sure you'll cut class with me?" tanong niya.

I quickly nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. Hindi ko na siya hinintay pang pagbuksan ako ng pinto ng kotse, dahil alam ko namang hindi niya gagawin yun. Pumasok ako pagkatunog ng sasakyan. I was smiling like an idiot habang nagdadrive siya paalis sa university. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi siya titigan. Last time kasi, halos hindi ako makatingin sa kanya kaya ngayon, sasamantalahin ko na. 

 "Saan tayo pupunta?" tanong ko. 

 "Anywhere," tipid na sagot nito. 

Nanahimik na lang ako. I'm not a nosy person and I don't like pretention para lang magustuhan niya ko. Hindi naman kasi ako umaasa about sa bagay na yun. I'm contented with this. Just being with him is enough.

The car stopped at the river where I always followed him every afternoon kapag hindi kami magkasabay ni Troy. I glanced at him at mukhang wala siyang balak bumaba kaya hindi rin ako kumilos para alisin ang seatbelt ko. I didn't know what to say. Alam kong favorite place niya to and I have this feeling na secret haven niya to. 

"How did you know this place?" tanong niya nang hindi tumitingin sakin. 

I smiled as I shifted my gaze forward. 

"Sinundan kita," I answered shortly.

Silence followed.

I couldn't say if it's awkward or not. Sure, straightforward ako pero kinakabahan din naman ako ano. 

"Why'd you chose me over classes?" 

"I'm a woman of my words," I simply said.

"So, if you promise you won't leave me, hindi mo talaga ako iiwan?" he frowned as if he doesn't like the idea. 

I tilted my head and stared at him for a second then smiled sweetly. "I don't make promises either," I answered matter of factly. 

Promises are meant to be broken, so, why promise when you're not sure how constant changes are? I heard him sigh. Sigh of relief? No idea. 

Bigla siyang bumaba ng kotse kaya sinundan ko siya. Tumigil siya malapit sa river at tinitigan ang agos ng tubig. I stood beside him and mirrored his gesture. I didn't know this simple things can make me feel contented. Na siguro kahit hanggang bukas pa kami dito at hindi mag-usap magiging kuntento pa rin ako. But I'm quite afraid this became an obsession. 

"I start liking her three years ago.." napatingin ako kay Ethon nang bigla siyang nagsalita. 

"Melissa?" I frowned. 

His lips slowly curving a small smile habang nakatingin pa rin sa tubig. "We're childhood friends and really close. I wasn't aware I was falling for her while we grew up together, until one day, I just woke up realizing that I don't want us to be just friends," he continued. 

I diverted my gaze back on the river. I felt a light twist in my chest after hearing his confession. I was caught of guard. Hindi ako prepared sa ganito. Something's pricking in my chest and I can't pinpoint out what it is. My mood deflated and I feel like I crying. This seems like a total rejection. Technically, I've been rejected a lot of times by him pero parang iba ngayon. He genuinely loves her and I can really feel that, to the point that it was able to take to pull out my hidden emotions and break me. Love confession lang pala niya ang makakapagpalabas ng tinatago kong sakit kapag nakikita ko silang dalawa na magkasama.