WITH YOU....

Chapter 30: One Last Time.... (Will)

Life had taken its toll. Time had taken its toll on me. I couldn't speak for a while. It was really hard to process what had happened. I still had a lot of difficulty in digesting the fact that Louisa was no more. I was just an apparition. I was walking , but I was dead. My body was alive but my soul had died. I was dead from the inside. The outside didn't matter to me now. Everyone was sad. Some people were crying and some people were just sitting in shock. Suddenly my mother came to me . "Will". She had my daughter in her arms. I saw her and went away. I couldn't bare to see her. This was wrong. Deep down I knew it was wrong. But right now in this moment. I blamed Abigail for everything. She was the reason that Louisa had died. She was the reason that I had lost my wife. She was the reason for my loss.

Tears welled up in  my eyes again. I went to Louisa's room again . She was still there. The doctors were going to come for her in a while. She still lay there. I quietly went and sat beside her. Seeing her in this condition made me choke. " I blame Abigail for loosing you....".
"If she would have not been born then you would have stayed alive. I know it's wrong for me to think like that. But I didn't want a child at the cost of loosing you!".
"I didn't want to loose you. You're Everything to me Louisa.... Everything. Why did you leave me. Why did you let go?. Why did you let go?..... I can't live without you Lou. You're the one who cured me. You're the one who saved me. You're the one who gave me a reason to live.  !".

"I had left hope and then you came into my life and you filled my life with hope, positivity and Happiness....you became my hope!" .
You made me a better person. You made me a better human being. You made me a better son a better man. How could you leave me?!. I had fallen in love with you the first day I saw you. I had misbehaved....I still remember. But I still had fallen in love with you ...the way you had come in your skirt and blouse. Your hair was tied in a bun . And due to uttermost embarrassment and clumsiness you had ripped your skirt from the side".

"I never really paid attention to you at first because I knew that there was no way that I could get my life back ,but as time passed...I started to open up to you. I started to fall for you. I fell for you hard. You made me believe that life could be better . You made me believe that there was still hope left. You changed me and I fell in love with you. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you. And I'm always going to be in love with you....."

"I made you a promise. I promised you that I'm going to take care of our daughter no matter what happens. Im going to raise her to be a beautiful and a successful woman.  She will always be happy. I'm going to do everything to make her happy. I just want you to stay safe.... wherever you are". I was crying I was crying badly.
I got up and leaned in to kiss her. Our lips touched,but the kiss wasn't the same as it used to be. She didn't kiss me back.  She didn't respond to me. Her lips were dry. Tears fell on her cheek from mine. I pulled back and looked at her. I stroked her hair.

"Forever". I whispered softly and kissed her forehead. I couldn't control myself from crying, so quickly left her room. As I left ,I saw my mother standing outside the door with Abigail in her arms. I lent out my arms to her. Through her tears she smiled and handed me my daughter. I looked at her. " You look just like your mother....". I whispered softly. A teardrop fell on Abigail's cheek. It was my teardrop. My mother suddenly put a hand on my shoulder. " She's Louisa's​ reflection..... Louisa is always there with you son"....
I smiled through my tears again and nodded softly.

"She's Abigail,her father's joy....". I said.  "I'm going to take care of her.....shes my responsibility.....shes my and Louisa's daughter..... ". I continued.  I took her in my arms and looked at Louisa's room again. Tears were welling up in my eyes but I somehow managed not to let them fall because if they fell, Abigail would wake up and start crying.

"I have fought the feelings
And emotions inside
That fills and empties me,
Like a fast rolling tide.

There are moments of pain,
Of sorrow and hate,
Leaving me to ponder
Many hours of late.

I love you, honey.
It's your presence I miss.
And I terribly long
For that one last kiss.

But the greatest pain of all
That hurts me so deep,
Is after giving you my love
I can't have yours to keep.

To have you by my side
Always longing for more,
And have you feel the same,
To mutually adore.

You see, my love, I have given you my heart
And revealed the depths of my soul,
And now I am left feeling hopelessly empty, 
Paying this immeasurable toll.

It's selfish, I know
To feel this way,
But it's how I feel
Each and every day

Always hoping and praying
For the next time we meet
For you to allow me, once again
To feel complete.

And rest assured,
I WILL see you again,
For it's not a question of if,
But a question of when.

And when that time comes
I'll be in total bliss,
For no longer will I wait 
For that one last kiss."

I had lost her but I still had her..... I thought to myself looking at Lou's room and then at Abigail. I'm not going to loose her again. I bent down and kissed Abigail's forehead. She was all I had now.....