Because He Loves Me

chapter16

I need to stop being such a petty little bitch and talk to my bestfriend. I need her right now. It's been three weeks since I've talked to her. And I need to get this out of my system. I can't keep it inside me much longer. Im falling for him too fast. I barge into our dorm," Cas!"
She looks up from her phone and jumps up to hug me when she sees me."Luz! Oh thank god! I was beginning to think you'd never talk to me again. I love you so much Luz. And im so so sorr......"
Okay okay I need to tell her. Its now or never. I blurt,"I love him." Her eyes widen at my confession and I begin stuttering," Or a-at least I-I think so. I dont fucking know Cas!" I plop down on my bed and she keeps staring at me with wide eyes. I hide my face in my hands and she sits down next to me.
       "Luz, you know it's okay to love him." She looks up at me with something sparkling in her eyes. Excitement? Worry?
      I open my mouth to speak, but my phone buzzes. Cassy takes my phone and squeels when she reads the message."Oh my god! Get your ass up right now! We have four hours!" I cock my head in confusion, and she shows me the message.
Zach💙>> Be ready by 6 and wear something hot(;
        I smile so big that my face begins to ache. Cassy grabs my shower bag and throws it at my face," Go shower bitch!" I laugh and head down to the shower. What is he up to? I cant help but smile at all the possibilities.
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         "Luz! Be a good girl and let me do your hair and makeup!" She yells and slaps my head. I groan and stay put in my seat. She begins curling my hair in beach waves and I grow anxious more and more by the second. I just want Zach to come already. I miss him. Yea yea I know I just saw him yesterday. But come on he's my boyfriend. Of course im going to miss him every second of every day. Oh god please dont tell me im becoming one of those clingy and needy girlfriends. Nope that isn't me!
An hour later and Cas finishes up my hair and makeup. She goes through my closet and picks out a black bodycon dress and heels. She shoves them in my arms," Here you'd def look hot in this!" I chuckle and pull on the dress and heels. She smirks," Holy jeesus... Zach is going to slobber like a dog when he sees you!" I laugh. My bestfriend is beyond weird. Ive missed her.
Theres a knock on the door and Cas opens the door. Zach stands at the door with a box of snickers. My favorite. I smile and run to go hug him. He embraces me in a hug and kisses the top of my head. I pull away and smirk," Is this hot enough for you?" I gesture towards the dress and his eyes widen with desire. He eyes me up and down and his smile grows as he lands on my eyes.
"Y-you look beautiful." He gulps and rubs the back of his neck. He's nervous as hell. So am I. Finally he takes my hand, waves goodbye to Cassy, and leads me to his car.
         In the car, I take the chance to stare at Zach. He's wearing a black suit and a burgundy bow tie. His hair is messy but sexy nonetheless. And holy fudge does my man look smokin' hot tonight!
I reach over and kiss his cheek," You look extremely hot tonight." He turns his head just enough so that I could see that bright smile of his. He takes my hand in his and kisses it. For the rest of the ride he holds my hand and reaches over to press his lips to mine at every stop.
We ate at Berlinas and left when Zach decided to walk on the river front. So here we are at the river front.....walking. Neither of us talk for what feels like hours. Though its only been like five minutes of silence. Its killing me!
          Finally, Zach clears his throat and confidently says," You're absolutely beautiful Luz." I roll my eyes and giggle. This is about the hundredth time he said this. He stares at me with seriousness in his eyes," Im serious Luz.... You're so beautiful. Y-You're like the sun you know....staring at you blinds my eyes but I never want to stop staring. You're just that beautiful Luz." A tear rolls down my cheek. No one has ever said that to me...or even remotely close to it. Well besides Luke. But that's besides the fact. Oh god Luke....
         Zach cups my face in his hands and he moves closer to me. He presses his lips to mine and I inch closer to him. The kiss intensifies and a moan escapes both of our mouths. This feelings is all too familiar and for the slightest moment my mind returns to when Luke first told me he loved me. Why? Why does it always go back to Luke? Everytime I start seeping back into my happy old self, he reappears in my mind. Will I ever be able to stop loving him?.....
           I pull away from Zach and his hands lay on my waist. Zach's face begins to blur and I swear I see Luke. The last time I ever kissed someone at a riverfront...it was with Luke. I want to cry...to scream. I want to tell Luke to just leave me the hell alone. He's gone and he's never coming back. Right when Im about to loose it, my vision clears and Zach is standing in front of me once again.
          The magnetic energy between us pulls us closer together and I hold my breathe when he looks into my eyes with such seriousness and passion. He flashes me a toothy grin and he nervously says," Luz....I-I love you. I am so deeply in love with you. You drive me insanely crazy, and I....I fucking love you." No no no. I didnt expect it to go this far. I love him! And I want to tell him. I want to grab his face and smash our lips together. To tell him Ive fallen completely in love with him.
        I try to open my mouth to tell him but I stop myself. I just cant. And I dont know why. I just stare at him blankly and hurt flashes through his eyes. I don't want to hurt him. I really don't. But Im so beyond scared. I loved Luke and maybe I still do. But the way I feel for Zach, is so much stronger. And that scares the shit out of me.
          He looks away and a tear strolls down his cheek. It pains me to do this. But I have to get away. I need to go back home, to New York and clear my mind. I need to figure out what the hell it is that I want.
         I choke back the sobs trying to escape,"Zach.. I." I love you! Damnit I fucking love you. But I dont say that. Im not as strong as people think I am. "I-I have to go. I-Im s-sorry."
          He's crying and confusion is clearly wrote on his face. I've hurt him and I will never forgive myself. But I cant be the one for him. He deserves much better. I reach to touch his cheek and comfort him, but I stop. I turn around and run to the nearest bus station. I can hear Zach crying my name, but I ignore him, and sob all the way to the bus station.
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          "Where to honey?" I vigorously rub the tears from my eyes and look up to answer her,"New York."