Life Is A Nightmare

Chapter Two: The Decision Is Yours

(Jayden)

We hurry into a familiar unoccupied room, stumbling in as we do. Our movements in a rush to disappear from the cameras watching our every step. Within seconds we are on the bed, our bodies pressed together. I lean in to kiss him, savior the moment we are alone and away from the watchful eyes of everyone.

"We shouldn't be doing this." he whispers as he pulls away, his green eyes staring back into my dark eyes.

His sudden awareness of the consequences involved catches me off guard and I brace myself for the worst. Knowing damn well I should have seen this coming. He's been distant for the passed few weeks. Inching away from me every time we are together. He knows this is wrong and so do I. We can both get in trouble for sneaking but it didn't stop us before.

After all he was the one to lead me down the path to falling in love with him. Brought my spirits up during a time I was slipping away. He reminded me what it was like to feel alive again. He orchestrated the perfect disguise to stay close to me instead of leaving me and this place in the past. He's been here when I needed him, stayed by my side and if he left now I don't know what I would do.

"Jayden," he says seeking my attention. "I would never leave you. I care about us too much. I love you too much."

"Then why are you saying we shouldn't be doing this?" I have to ask.

"I don't want to get caught and lose you forever." he replies, a slight smile forming across his face. "There's something I need to tell you though. Please don't be mad."

"I could never be mad with you Jordan.You can tell me anything and I will always love you."

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I take a seat in the same room, same office I've spent countless hours in over the years. Twice a week talking about my life. Discussing the progress I have made with zero chance it matters to anyone except Doctor Chamberlain. He is the only person who cares about my progress which is little interest to the district attorney who sent me here but it doesn't bother me.

Sixteen long years have gone by since I arrived here and I've accepted my fate. I accepted what I have done after the years I spent denying it. I stopped fighting with myself and the people around trying to help me. I know whst I did. I know the difference from the lies I told myself to get me by and truth I didn't want to believe.

I let my mind play tricks on me as I conjured up a monster that didn't exist. It was always me attempting to look through someone else's eyes. Lying to take the pain away of what I was capable of doing. And as much as I wish I could take it back I can't. I can't change what happened at sixteen.

"Someone asked to visit you today." Doctor Chamberlain informs me.

I say nothing as I open up my sketchbook. I rather avoid the chit chat we go through every time my dad wants to visit. "I was thinking of writing him back but I haven't yet."

"We can talk about that matter too later on but he isn't who was inquirying to visit." he replies.

I stop flipping through to the recent sketch to look up. Interest perked of who else would want to visit me besides my dad. It isn't as if I have many friends on the outside. I didn't have many to begin with in school or out. I have no friends. No family who want to reach out and talk to me. "Who?" I ask.

I know it can't be my grandma, she died five years ago and my grandpa hasn't talked to me in years. Neither has the one friend I did have in high school unless-

"Your brother."

"My brother?" I think out loud, questions float my head of who and why now. I know I have a younger brother but I don't know him. I was gone before he was born. Why would he want to meet me? What reason would he have to ask to visit now?

"The decision is yours Jayden. You can meet with him or not." he tells me.

I ponder the idea back and forth. Contemplating the positives and negatives to come from this. "Did he say why?"

I watch him look over his writing, notes he took I presume from the brief conversation he had with him. "Gavin recently turned eighteen and has an interest to meet you. Talk to you I gather to give him the answers he needs. You may not have been present in his life but what happened had an adverse affect on his life. Your dad's life as well was changed as a result." his response hits me like a ton of bricks.

Suddenly all of the work I tried to make in stepping up and accepting my actions is thrown out of the window. I'm being told once again it's all my fault. Anything I do doesn't countermand what I did to my dad's life.

I pushed him to go backwards in life. Led him to suffer as he continues to hang onto the hope I didn't do it. "I'll talk to him." I'll see what he wants from me. Figure out quickly if this is my dad's doing to convince me to talk to him more.

It's strange how I  went from losing contact with my dad after what I did. Disappointment and shame in his eyes every time he would visit before he stopped showing up altogether and I didn't blame him. He still had a life, still does if he will let go of me. Move on and forget I exist like I deserve because that's what I want. I want him to pick up the pieces of his life and be okay. I want the opposite of what he's chosen to do by talking to Jared as his life falls apart.

Then again I think it's too late. He's more broken than I thought I was growing up. More damaged compared to me I can only hope Gavin is better off than my dad and I. Hopefully a short one time visit will help him. Push him to escape our damaged family in the past and for him to move forward in his life without this hanging over him