(Jayden)
When I look into the mirror, I still see a broken boy staring back at me no matter how many years go by. Memories from back then remain and no amount of talking, no amount of medication, can take them away. I'm stuck with them and I've dealt with them the best way I know how.
I talk out what I can. I draw to keep myself occupied during the hours I'm alone. And I bury the letters my dad sends every week where I keep my old drawings of the scarecrow that doesn't exist.
Dear Jayden,
You're my son, my first born and I care about you so much. I want to help you and that's why I haven't left your side. I know I wasn't there for you in the beginning. I was a lousy parent and maybe you still think I am but I'm trying. I'm doing everything I can but is it not enough for you??
I write you every chance I have. I think of you every minute of the day and that's why I don't understand why you won't see me. You won't talk to me in person but you talked to your brother? Why?? What did Gavin tell you? Why are you telling him you're guilty when you're not? Will you please write back?
I've recieved a few letters from him in the past week. His pleads and desperate attempts to reach out to me more now than ever. He acts oblivious to why I don't want to see him when in all actuallity the answer is right in front of him.
He should know why I don't want to talk to him. He should know that his every letter I rarely read sends me on the verge of going back in time to a place I don't like to go. He knows all of this if he really cares about me and has been there for me through the years.
Of course now it's different. Gavin's visit with me stirred up something inside my dad he didn't want to believe. He wants to stay in that year, that day. He wants to hold onto the words I said at sixteen and my mind was a blur. Convince himself I'm innocent just like I did until I couldn't anymore.
My dad is shattered at the idea I don't want to see him. Angry I don't want to talk to him after sixteen years I've been in here. He's acting like the child when he's older than me. He should know right from wrong but he's never learned the difference and that's why I avoid every visit he wants to have.
I don't want to come face to face with him when I know seeing him, unlike Gavin, will engulf me in a darkness. I'll be taking a thousand steps back and no steps forward. I won't be able to breathe. I'll be drowing in more bad memories every day worse than my one and only visit with Gavin.
*~* Sorry it's a short chapter I've been in California visiting family for two weeks and didn't have much time to write. I promise next chapter will be longer in Gavin's point of view. I'll post the chapter Wednesday or maybe sooner. :) *~*
YOU ARE READING
Life Is A Nightmare
General FictionFor as long as Gavin can remember, he has been trying to reach out to his dad. Struggling to gain his attention but try as he may his dad has remained lost in his own head. Too consumed in the well being of Gavin's older brother that he sometimes fo...
