Life Is A Nightmare

Chapter Eighteen: Unexpected Visit, Unclear Intentions

(Jayden)

"What's going on?" I stand in disbelief wanting to step back and walk out of the room to avoid whatever this is about to bring. I'm already unhinged from the past coming up from dark places in my mind I don't want to go back to. This isn't what I wanted to deal with today or ever again. I said what I needed to make it clear I belong here, despite how much I question back and forth what really happened the night Vivian died, but here before my eyes is Gavin.

I don't know if I should laugh or not at this point. Here I am being told every day to talk about my past I don't want to and then Gavin shows up again. Another surprise visit with him sitting on the couch this time ready to talk to me. "You're brother wanted to talk to you." Dr. Shelby says as casual as she can behind me. "I'll be outside in the hallway."

The excuses herself, shutting the door behind me and it's as if she is getting a sick thrill out of this. She already knows I made it clear I didn't want to see him. She should know by from everything Dr. Chamberlain noted down about my previous visits with Gavin it didn't go over well. I wasn't okay anymore with doubts clouding my head over something that happened so long ago and I had accepted the blame.

I have to wonder was this visit arranged by her hoping she can force me into talking to her about the past? Does she think this approach will lead her to finding out whatever secret she thinks I'm keeping from her?

"Is she listening?" Gavin whispers barely audible. It's obvious he wants this conversation kept quiet. Kept secret like the last and from the look in his eyes he's more scared and terrified than he was during his last visit to talk to me.

Part of me wants to be the older brother I would have been had what happened didn't take place. I would have been someone he could turn to, talk to about anything but that's not how life turned out. I don't know Gavin and I'm not leaving here anytime soon so being that brother he can look up to isn't what he needs from me. He needs our dad who should have been there for him not stuck in the past with me and Jared who are never getting out.

I'm not like him. I'm not him. Aren't I though? I killed Vivian which is why I'm here and she's not.

"Why are you here?" I ask swallowing back the tears from the truth I used to tell myself was never going to become true.

"I needed to talk to you. Talk to someone that will believe-"

"No." I stop him. "No, I'm having this conversation. You didn't see anything. You don't know anything."

I don't care how many times he tries to tell me he saw the same person watching him from afar. It's not possible. He's lying and I'm not about to be pulled into this game he thinks he's playing. I won't.

But then his next words lose me completely, "She has a picture, a real picutre of you and dad at the house." he whispers.

"What are you talking about?" How could he change this much from being this determined eighteen visiting me wanting talk to me and then move on with life to this?

He's a whole different person sitting there with the same fear I used to have when I was little but that was different. He shouldn't be fearful of anything when he didn't live in that house like I did. He didn't come into the picture until I left and even then with our dad in shambles, from losing Vivian and me sent away for being responsible, he still had another dad who cared about him. He has nothing to be fearful of in my opinion unless there's something I don't know about.

"She showed me-"

"You're not making sense." I watch as his hands are trembling and he can't sit still.