Pathetic love

Part 24

A week went by. After that week I asked Mark that I have something important to ask from him. He answered to me. But not the way I wished him to answer me.

"Don't miss me. Please. This makes your life worse. Okay, so this is really hard to tell... but That Mark will never come back. He's dead. No, I mean yea.. Its me. But fuck. My mentality changed. A lot. I miss korea, i miss my fucking life okay. I actually feel dead. And seeing you sad makes me feel worse. I dont have friends. I'm sorry. You HAVE TO. YOU HAVE TO. H-A-V-E-T-O MOVE ON. please. That is important. I cant make your life any better. I  am scared of flying or riding now, because of that fucked up issue. I am sorry. I am really really sorry. We will never see each other. I know youre hurt just like me. I know youre sad. I know you cry, but look. Nothing will change. I'm not that Mark you used to know. I dont even know who am i now. Uh shit. Please. I know leaving and being left is fucking horrible. I know how you feel just because i used to be in your situation... not even once. I know you might hate me. Or love me more. But look. We can't be together. It's not that i dont want to. Its just i can not. Thank you for sharing and giving me best memories. Yes. You are amazing. If i would be THAT mark, we could be together. But life changed me. I moved on. Thank you for waking me up. That's a hint. We are NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. Sorry for being mean. That is just fucking true. I know i sound rude... but uh i feel right now. Billions of times worse than you."

"It would be better if we dont talk. Thats fucking hard. I know. I miss myself so bad. And i miss you. I am so sorry. When i say sorry, i literally mean it. Sorry for not keeping that promise. I am a fucking terrible human."

"Youre not the only one who's heartbroken okay. I know you are mad but. Uh i am sorry. I dont know what to say anymore"

After seeing his messages, I bursted into tears. I didn't have the guts to answer to him anymore. I was dumped. And it felt really terrible. This all happened in the morning which was very unfortunate to me. We had planned with my parents that we are still going to church in the morning. I cried few hours before finally waking up and went to the breakfast table. After we ate the breakfast, we left towards the church.

After the church we went straight back to home. It was a sunny day so I told my parents that I'm going for a walk. I headed to the woods. After I had walked for awhile, I found the place I wanted to find: a cliff. Beneath the cliff there was lots of very sharp rocks. I walked to the very edge of the cliff and just started shouting my lungs out. After shouting awhile, I decided that I just can't handle this kind of pain at all. 

I'm going to kill myself

Then my friend texted me.

"Hi Hannah. What are you doing?" I told what happened and I told her that I'm committing a suicide now. 

"No! Hannah calm down and back off from the cliff. He is not worth it. He is a total douchebag. Hannah please promise me you don't do anything stupid. Think about all your friends and parents. We all love you." 

Her words were true. I would just hurt all the other people around me. I backed up and started crying. My friend called me and asked whether I am feeling better now. She also told me that I can always lean on to her and tell all my worries to her. 

After I cried so much that no tears came out of my eyes, I walked back to home. I dodged my parents eyes and went straight in my room.