Losing Time (boy x boy) [COMPLETED]

Chapter Eighteen

I don't remove Julia's memories. Mostly because I can't stand to erase every memory I've ever made. To make every moment I've spent with them useless.

It won't matter. Devon's memories won't return. I had the serum specially made so it would be more effective than what was used on me. He would never remember and I'm not sure if I'm relieved or pained. Everything we had is gone. I still remember, but it brings only agony.

Each family member of the ministry I kill, a part of me suffers. They were innocent, but it needs to be done. The guilt I'd felt when the ministry attacked our complex only increases. Before I'd lost my memories, I had blood on my hands. Now, my entire soul is drenched in innocent blood.

I finally capture the president of the ministry. I tie him up across from his family. He looks at me, bewildered.

"What's going on here?"

"You ordered at hit on an Arrow complex." The president's face shows realization. "You killed hundreds of people."

"So what? You're terrorists!"

"Were the women and children terrorists? How about the newborn babies in the hospital wing?" His eyes widen. "Don't act righteous when you mindlessly slaughtered us."

"Carlos, what did you do?!" the wife asks. The children also look horrified.

"I-I didn't know..."

"Because you didn't care. You didn't stop to think. Now, I'll take from you what you took from us." I turn to his family.

"Wait! Please don't! I'll do anything! Just please, let them go!"

"I can't do that. You'll know what we feel soon." I draw my knife and move towards the wife. Suddenly, the door bangs open.

Julia rushes in, followed by a confused Devon. "Jaxon, stop!"

I look at her icily. "What are you doing here?"

"We're here to stop you. This isn't who we are!"

"Maybe it's not who you are."

"We're going to stop you. By any means." Her face contorts. Devon draws his gun and points it at me, face expressionless.

"Julia, you'd use him to kill me?" Pain shoots through my heart.

"I'm sorry," she says, "but we have to stop you. And if I can use his loss of memory..." She looks away. "I-I can't do it myself."

"I can't believe..." I suck in a breath. "How can you do this?"

She clenches her fist. "I'm sorry. But, at least he won't be hurting."

"Drop the knife," Devon orders. The cold tone of his voice pierces my heart.

"Give it up, Jaxon. Please." I don't want to give up, but the pain sends me to my knees. The knife clatters away. Devon lowers his gun.

"I'm sorry, Jaxon, but I couldn't let you destroy yourself." She begins walking towards me. Her eyes widen a split second before I feel blinding pain in my back. I cry out and fall forward. "No! Jaxon!"

I think I see something in Devon's eyes before he starts shooting at the president. The knife is no longer in my back and my blood is spilling fast. Julia crouches next to me and tries to staunch the flow.

"Jaxon, I'm so sorry!"

I cough painfully. "We can't let them live. That's why...I was doing this. We can't...live a peaceful...life with any...of them in it. They'll just...kill us..."

"But why you?! Why did you have to do it?!" Julia is in tears now, openly sobbing.

"Because no one else should have to do it. So, I...took the burden."

"You're too kind for your own good, Jaxon Cooke."

"No, I'm not." I take a deep breath. "Tell Devon, even if he doesn't remember, that I will always love him."

"Don't die, Jaxon. Please, god, don't."

"Did you...find Lis?"

"We...found her jacket in the woods. She may yet be alive."

"Funny. All my life...I've been looking for her. When I finally find her...I lose her. Now...I'll never find her...again. When you...find her, tell her...tell her I'm sorry. And that...I'll finally see mom and dad again."

"I'll tell them, I promise."

Devon comes up. "J-Jax."

I squeeze my eyes shut. "You weren't...supposed to remember."

"I love you too much to forget it." The words are a quick stab to my heart. "And that's why you can't die."

"I don't think...I have a choice."

"Come on. This isn't the first time you've nearly died." Weakly, I bring my hand to his cheek. With no strength left, my hand slips off. Before it falls, Devon catches it and holds it to his cheek.

"I haven't...felt so light...since I was a kid." I smile brightly, wistfully.

Now, Devon's crying. "Don't say that."

"It's true. I feel...like the burden...has been...lifted off my shoulders. I feel...so free."

"Jaxon..."

"I'm sorry...for...hurting you. I just...wanted...to spare...you." My consciousness is slipping away.

"Hang in there, Jax! Please don't leave me!!"

"Forgive me..." I whisper, before slipping away.