Losing Time (boy x boy) [COMPLETED]

Chapter Twenty-Two

I nervously enter the office. Julia told me earlier that his name is Charles Durnham. He has a PhD in psychology and he's an expert in hypnotherapy.

"Hello, Dr. Durnham," I say, shaking his hand.

"Please, just call me Charles, Jaxon."

"Charles," I correct.

"Julia has informed me of your...situation. Did she warn you about the risks?"

"I did," Julia replies. "I hope you don't mind if I sit with him during it."

"Of course not!" Charles beams. "He'll need all the support he can get." Charles gestures to a sofa. "If you please, Jaxon." I sit on it and Julia sits on a chair across from me.

"What do I do?" I ask.

"Please lay down. Find a position that's comfortable for you." I lay on my back, hands resting on my stomach. "Close your eyes." I follow his directions. "Now, imagine you're someplace peaceful."

I imagine a waterfall. The constant rushing sound keeps me calm.

"Keep listening to my voice." Charles' voice is so soothing. "Good. Now tell me, what did you look like as a child?" On autopilot, I reply in detail. "Tell me about your family."

"I don't remember them."

"Sure you do. Just think." Suddenly, two older people and a little girl enter my mind.

"What are their names?" Charles wonders.

"My mom was Sarabeth. My dad was Julian. My sister is Lisbeth."

"What happened to them?"

"I-I don't know." Subconsciously, I know the truth, but I shy away from it.

"I know it's hard, Jaxon, but you can do this. What happened?"

Compelled by his soft voice, I begin speaking. "My parents were killed. By the ministry. My sister and I...we tried to escape...but they caught her..."

"Relax," Charles whispers. Instantly, my body obeys. "Keep going."

"I ran. I ran until I found this complex. Mom and dad told me to go there if anything happened to them."

"Did they know they would die?"

"They were members of Arrow. A member is always aware of the possibility of death."

"Good. Keep going."

"They took me in, gave me a mentor to learn from." I don't want to keep going.

"And?"

"I-I don't want to remember. Don't make me."

"Calm down, Jaxon. You won't feel any pain."

I take a deep breath. "He beat me and raped me. I thought it was normal training. Until someone saw and took him away." My voice is dreamy. "Then I met Devon. We were so much in love. He promised to help me find Lisbeth."

"Continue, Jaxon."

"I...killed people. Innocent people with families. I thought my family was more important than anything else."

"Then?"

"Our mission went sideways. I was injured and would never have made it out. I helped Devon escape and they took me captive. They replaced my memories and put me with some fake parents. I was only there a few weeks, but it felt like years."

"What happened after that?"

"They sent assassins to kill me. Devon saved me and brought me back to Arrow. I had poison in my blood, so I had to be careful. I went off to find Lis alone, but a comrade, Dylan, joined me. He was in love with me."

"Keep going."

"The mission went sideways again. Dylan helped me escape with our prisoner. I thought he was dead." I grimace. "But they'd brainwashed him. And sent him to kill us. He...slit his throat to save me. We found Lis and returned to headquarters with Dylan's body."

"Then?"

"They attacked our base. We didn't know they could track Dylan's body. They killed so many..." I take a shaky breath.

"Calm, Jaxon."

"I escaped with a little girl I'd saved. I thought...Devon and Lis were dead. I became depressed, suicidal. Then Devon showed up. We were going to get married." I smile. "I vowed to make the ministry pay. I-I-I killed them. I killed their families. They were innocent!" Bloody faces flash into my mind. My breathing speeds up. "I killed children! I killed them!"

"Calm down, Jaxon. Just relax."

"I can hear them! Their screams! They begged me to stop!"

"Jaxon, calm down. Go back to that peaceful place."

"I can see their blood on my hands! Oh, god, get it off! Their voices! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Jaxon, wake up. Now!" My eyes snap open and I shoot up into a sitting position. Sweat drips down my face as I pant. Julia sits next to me and rubs my back as I tremble.

"The things I did..." I mumble.

Charles looks at me sadly. "You've had so much pain in your life. I'm sorry for that."

I turn to Julia. "Lis? Did you find my sister?"

Her face crumbles. "We...found her...but...we...we were too late. I'm so sorry, Jaxon." I can't handle this, it's too much. I run out the door, but I'm blind. I don't see what's in front of me, I see a blond girl with a smiling face. This can't be happening! Tell me it's not real!