Susceptible

Chapter seventeen

I woke up to Alex shaking my shoulder. I had fallen asleep by the window. I stood up and stretched my body hurting from my inconvenient sleeping position. I followed Alex where he had dissapeared into the kitchen. He was carrying two plates full of breakfast and sat them on the table. I sat in the seat that had become mine over the past month. Alex sat in his seat across from me.

All the rude comments from the night before seemed like a lifetime ago as we fell into our normal pattern.

His hair was wet indicating he had recently shower and his chest was bare. We ate in silence. I watched Alex studying his face, his mannerisms. He held his fork funny. He always had.

The silence between us was not quite comfortable as there was an underlying tension there. I couldn't help but feel as if it might be the last breakfast we shared together like this. I wondered if Alex was thinking the same thing. He raised his eyes to meet mine and we held eye contact for a moment. I didn't know what emotion my eyes were conveying so I looked down quickly.

I ate my eggs that were scrambled with cheese and lots of pepper just the way I liked, the way Alex had learned to make them just for me. I struggled to swallow them as I thought that I may never eat them again. I want to leave, I tried to tell myself, but I couldn't deny that large part of me didn't want to. I wanted Alex to make me breakfast every morning, to spend my days wandering around the apartment waiting for Alex to get home where he would change out of suit then come and watch tv with me. I wanted to talk with him, laugh with him, even fight with him. Because it was familiar now. I knew what it would be like if I stayed, but I didn't what was waiting for me when I left this apartment.

I had no idea who Sam was anymore as I certainly didn't recognize him on the tv. I didn't know what kind of damage I had done to our relationship, if there even still was a relationship anymore. How would he take it to see his dead girlfriend suddenly alive. What if he had moved on. There was a lot I didn't know. And I was anxious. Alex waited for me to finish my meal so he could take my plate just like always.

"Thank you." I said breaking the silence between us.

Alex nodded his head looking at me. Sadness was in his eyes, like he also knew our time together was limited too. I looked away again not able to take it. I was going to hurt him. No matter which way this ended I was going to hurt him, and no matter how much he hurt me, I couldn't stand that I was going to hurt him.

"Are you leaving soon?" I asked, unsure of what I wanted his response to be.

"No, I don't think I'm going anywhere today." He replied while cleaning up.

I didn't know what to think. That meant more time together before we inevitably were ripped apart and some sort of irrevacible damage was done to our relationship. But that also meant that if Sam were to find me today Alex would be here, and I didn't want to see things play out between them.

I didn't know who the good guy was anymore.

And that scared me more than anything.

We spent our day casually watching tv. It was a normal day, but there was a new different kind of tension in the air, like when you're waiting for something to jump out at you in a scary movie. We barely spoke throughout the day, and the only exchanges we did have were brief and polite. I watched Alex closely hoping to see him slip up and use Sam's powers again, but Alex was incredibly normal throughout the day. As I walked to my room for the night I peeked in his office noticing that everything was back in place. The evidence of my fit last night completely gone.

I took my time getting ready for bed taking a long hot shower, and changing into my comfiest clothes. Still once I was curled up under the covers I laid awake. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep on my own. I would have to wait for exhaustion to hit and take me out. I could hear the familiar sound of the cars on the road and it comforted me as I stared up at the ceiling. I counted them as they passed by hearing them draw close, then the noise slowly fade away as they passed by on the way to their destination late in the night. I wondered where they were going. I made up scenarios in my head that person who just passed was coming home from an amazing date, and the next person to pass had to work late at the office and hoped his wife wasn't going to be mad when he arrived home.