Embarrassment - (An Everlark Fanfic)

Chapter 12 - Recount

"Today I choose life. 

Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, 

happiness, negativity, pain... 

To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, 

not to deny my humanity but embrace it."

 - Kevyn Aucoin

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Peeta's POV:

Katniss is here! Am I dreaming?  My every love and world is contained in this hotel, the hotel in which I work at. 

I fell in love with the same person I had once before without ever realising it. That mysterious girl by the pool that day, with the cascading brown hair was Katniss' hair. I knew as soon as I saw her that an invisible bond was tying me to her like some invisible bond. It was fate for sure, working in my favour. 

It is an absolute understatement to say I am shocked, she has changed so very much over these past couple years. Katniss used to have a pixie haircut and now its longer than I could ever have imagined. Her personality must've changed as well due to my despicable actions in leaving her. I just hope that one day she finds it in her heart to forgive my wrong doings.

When I was ordered by my boss to deliver the two pillows to her room a second time, I felt ecstatic. So ecstatic that I literally skipped down the hallway like a little kid in a candy store. I was once again mesmerised by her beauty when she answered the door, my palpitatious heart could not be tamed. My breathing quickened dramatic as I delivered the pillows to this goddess of a woman whom I had no knowledge it was the woman I left at the altar.

Our blind encounter happened all to quickly. Just a simple; 'hello', 'here you go' and 'goodbye'. I was a bit deflated I could not work up the courage to have a proper conversation with the woman but I knew I had to get back to the lobby, and to my strict boss. I cannot complain as I get payed reasonably well which was better than working minimum wage with an abusive mother at the local diner.

Upon reaching the elevator and cursing at myself for not hitting on the girl I heard my name being called. My fake name, the name I had adopted almost five years ago when I left the life I once had. The voice that called out, "Marvel" sounded like the most gentle yet a desperate cry for help. It hit me then that this mysterious girl with the glimmering eyes was not just any girl, it was someone who once knew me.

It was then that I figured out her puzzle, the mystery in her eyes. It was I, Peeta Mellark that created them. The hurt, uneasiness and suspicion were all the emotions that I inflicted upon her after my departure. I have never ever been able to forgive myself for my actions, yet, I still believe that in the moment it was the right thing for me to do, as the odds that were in my favour were death at the time, which I had experienced for a couple minutes at the operating table.

My love for her exceeds any measurement. It is the type that rips out your heart and hurts like hell. I love her so much that I hurt myself by leaving and consequently hurting my soulmate. Not once did I believe a person has only one soulmate on this earth, not until I met her. Which I doubted when I saw that mysterious girl by the pool and believed she was not my love. When I left her I realised how hard it was to suddenly live without her while coping with a life threatening illness, certain to journey you to death.

When Katniss called me out in that hotel room, it made me feel physically sick,so sick I could not contain the emotions I had curated these past five hears. I fell to my knees in hysterics knowing that she needed answers. Now she knows, without the sugarcoating. I spoke the absolute truth without the expectation of her forgiveness.

It broke my heart to inform her about my illness, she cried. Not for herself but for me and I knew in that moment she was blaming herself for not being there when I had the cancer. I could see it in her eyes that she thought it was her fault. It is not, it is solely mine and I take full responsibility for it. After all, it was I who left her. Not the other way around.

I personally think she forgave me too fast but I could not help myself to lean in an kiss her. I just missed her warmth so much. It sparked a fire within me where so many lost emotions were conjured up inside me once more. They resurfaced, something which I believe only Katniss could ever do.

I was drastic and probably too hopeful when I requested for her to put our ring back on her finger. I knew that she would reject it but I could not help myself, I was moving too fast already. It is not like we could just pick up where we left off, especially after five years of separation. We have both changed so much that picking up were we left off could be more damaging.

Therefore, I asked that the be my promise to her, that I would never break her heart again. Never break another promise ever again. If I play my cards right, gods be good that we will wed, It is a lifelong dream of mine. To have Katniss as my own, my wife, Katniss Mellark. The name has a nice ring to it right?

If that is my dream then I must conjure up the courage to confront all those I wrong for my absence, including her family, friends and mine. For her I shall try everything within my power, even if would not have any friends remaining after but for Katniss I will do anything because I love her.