Embarrassment - (An Everlark Fanfic)

Chapter 26 - The Final Countdown

He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect.

But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can.

He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.

Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect for more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there.

Love hard when there is love to be had.

Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you.

- Bob Marley

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The funeral happened.

I attended in my grief stricken state. We all cried endlessly mourning our loved one. It all commenced in a blur to me and I hope it stays that way because I do not even want to think of all those bad memories that follow.

I do not have enough support around me, not that I ever could give any support. I am not fine, I am not doing okay. I may say I am fine to those but I am lying. People disregard the raw emotion of sadness, guilt and plain devastation in my mourning eyes when they ask that simple question.

I have been scared for life, nothing can stop my wicked mind replaying that event, day by day they haunt me like a ghost. It was bad enough that I had to witness my fathers unwilling death. The nightmares that used to come to me are frequented now, adding to my terror and phobia of sleeping.

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For days on end I don't sleep until my body gives way and just collapses into a pile of nothingness. Yes, I know it's not healthy but I do it to cope. It's not like I have any people here to support me.

Days upon days rolled on and those days turned into months. I thought by now the memories would have faded or at least tarnished in my mind but instead they become as clear as ever through my nightmares. Prim, she is not doing well at all. She has been placed into an intense care unit to monitor her emotional behaviours as she was severely traumatised by the incident that occurred. Prim doesn't speak, or hasn't spoken since the first time I saw her at the funeral. All she said was, 'he's gone, I'm gone too.'

That alone made me break down into hysterics. It took him, the one who survived to get me out of the darkness that is my life. He was in a coma during the funeral but woke up a two weeks later. The bullets wounds healed but I now the mental pain cannot heal, just like me. I know it will take time but it's hard. People say it's the hard stage but I don't think it'll ever go away. I was in utter darkness before he woke up and when he did a small ray of sunshine tore the darkness in mind. He wasn't dead and that's all I could ever had hoped.

Currently, a year later we have carried ourselves on. Battling the hardships as they come. We try to forget what went down in the hospital but 'try' is the keyword here. We haven't really succeeded yet. 'Yet' is our new keyword that we aspire to. One thing is for sure though, we don't want to ever forget the person who died to save our lives. My love, my bestfriend. He was there with me through almost all stages of my life. Like the day that Peeta left me.

He was so young. Too young to die, he had hopes and dreams for the future. A few days before he started another semester of uni was when he died. He died carrying Peeta through the narrow alleyway and demanded the ambulance that Peeta be saved first. He is/was the most selfless person that I have ever come across. He never expect too much from me yet encouraged me to do more. He was my lifeline for a very long time, and I didn't even notice.

That saying is true, you don't know what you had till it's gone. It hit me so hard like a slap in the face. Prim is still gone. Muted from the terrors of the vivid world. She talks little to none, still, but she is carrying on. I know what it's like to live with someone like that. My mother was one of those people but she never received help. She just sat there on a chair with a blank look on her face. Prim, on the other hand eats when she is told, reacts to what you say and is genuinely happy, yet she still doesn't talk. I'd rather her be the way she is now than what my mother used to be.

She's slowly but surely going to improve and that's made me ever happier.

He, Gale. It's even too hard to say his name without choking up even though it was a very long time ago. He was buried back in twelve, where we were basically born and raised. Surely I can be happy about that.

Happy, such a distant word to me yet, I can still find it if I look very hard in my mind. I am reminded of happiness every time my eyes lock onto that skilfully cut ring that rests on my ring finger. The one nerve that connects to my heart without any breaks in line. Yeah we're happier and that's all I could of wished for. All he could of wish for. All that Gale wanted out of me was to be happy and slowly but surely that will come, perhaps on my wedding day two weeks from now.

I know he'll never run from me and future again. I hope good things come of this because Peeta , the holiday and everything that came with it lead to this and was the best decision I've ever made. There may have been regrets with it but I could never regret finding my love

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End