Restoration

CHAPTER 16 Logan

I sit on my couch... completely dazed and confused. Why did she break the eye contact? Why did she get up and move? Why the awkward goodbye? I'm more worried about her than my own emotions and actions right now. What was I thinking? Making a move like that? I scared her off! She was worse than a deer in headlights. Heh... like the way she looked when she got up from the couch... but a part of me wanted to comfort her, and protect her. What was going on with me? I probably have this girl right where I want her. I guess the real question is, is this really where I want her? She's so cute and sweet, she challenges me and pushes me, she thrills me and drives me crazy. What am I going to do? I can never stop thinking about her. Why is this one girl so different? Am I attracted to her because she's untouchable for other guys? She has that boyfriend, Alan? Owen? Something like that.

Mom comes home about 15 minutes after Avery left. I am still on the couch, just thinking while another movie is playing as a background noise.

“Hey sweetie, how was the beach today?” she asks.

“Fine.” I mumble.

“Did Lily have fun?”

“Yep.”

“Are you alright Logan? You seem a little... short with me.”

“Oh no I'm perfectly fine. Other than you leaving early in the morning and just completely disregarding the sudden chore to take care of your children. Me? Fine, I can take care of myself. But Lily mom? She's only eight. You can't expect her to know how to use a microwave and use a fucking stove!”

“Hey! Watch your language! I'm still your mother, and maybe it's time she learned! You knew how to use a saw and a power drill when you were 9.”

“It's not the same mom. All I'm asking is be there for her. She's having issues fitting in at her new school. But you didn't know that did you? Because you're always gone at work. You can't just tune us out when things get rough. Be a parent for Christ's sake.” I let that sink in for a little bit. I saw her expression change from anger, to disbelief, and then to understanding. “I'm going to bed. Goodnight.”

I close my door and sit down on my bed. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. I think of things I could say to Avery, just to guarantee that she'll still talk to me. I think of more things I could say to my mom to make sure she actually will follow through with taking care of Lily. Then I think of my dad. How happy my whole family was when he was around. How much my mom actually took care of us. Things were so different. Better. Now things are just complicated. Mom acts as if it's a chore to take care of us.

I miss my dad. I miss working on my T-Bird with him. I miss spending those long days in the garage with him and ordering a pizza in for lunch. I miss working on things in the house together. I just miss his presence.

One thing I notice though, whenever I'm with Avery, she fills the void. When I'm with her she just usually makes me laugh, and makes me happy. She is the first person I ever really talk to about my dad's death and my relationship with him. I need someone to talk to, I need someone to put my trust in. Maybe I need Avery. And maybe, just maybe, she needs me too.

However, I hate the way she always takes the power from me. She makes me feel weak and powerless. When she is around I can't be numb anymore. She makes me feel. I don't like it. I liked it at my old school, when I could have gotten any girl I wanted, I always had the power. I never had to deal with feelings or emotions. I was careless and free, and Avery makes me care. Fuck Avery. I need a different girl. One that's easy to persuade and manipulate. Time to go hunting.