i need u | bts

Chapter 29

Jeon Jungkook's POV

Am I going to tell her that I'm hearing voices? I think I'm having hallucinations. I think this is dangerous. I muttered under my breath while scribbling my paper.

Jimin almost made me furious. He should've done that somewhere else or is it my fault I took a peek through a gap? Yeah, I think it's also my fault for being such curious.

But I know.. Jiyeon's desire of her heart is Jimin, I think I should let them — I mean there are lots of ladies out there — they seem so happy to each other and I'm kinda feel jealous. But I also treat Jimin like my brother, maybe the right thing to do is to support him. Even though I'm hurt.

I'm used to sacrificing precious things.

"...nice joke Jin, haha.." said Jiyeon while laughing so hard with all of them except Jimin. They were all sitting at the sofa while resting their feet at the coffee table.

I hesitated, I don't want to spoil their happiness and laughter.

"Er— Noona, can I talk to you?" I mumbled while tapping her shoulder twice. She paused laughing, "Of course Jungkook." She said impatiently, not looking at my eyes.

"....alone?" I added and this time, she looked directly at my eyes with a quizzical look. We stared for a while until she said a word.

"Oh, yes Jungkook." She said, getting to her feet.

She'll leave you.. Said a dreamy voice on my head. I closed my eyes and shook my head, ignoring the hallucination.

"What is it Jungkook?" questioned Jiyeon anxiously. Bad idea. What if she'll drop me in the mental hospital? I'm worried. I don't want to live in the mental hospital.

"What is... hallucinations?" I questioned, trying to keep my voice steady from quivering. Her eyes twitched, thinking why would we go on a remote place to discuss hallucinations.

"Oh, er — Hallucination is a perception in the absence of external stimulus that has qualities of real perception. Hallucinations are vivid, substantial, and are perceived to be located in external objective space." She explained clearly.

I twitched, the sound of superb words confused me. I can tell that the definition made me confused than the word itself.

I nodded vigorously, "I-Is there any types of hallucinations or that occur in any sensory modality?" I asked once again. She didn't look impatient but eager to explain everything about hallucinations.

"Yes it does" — I crossed my fingers — "such as visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory —"

I didn't pay attention at her after I heard the word 'auditory'. I'm really having hallucinations but is it dangerous or no?

"...and lastly, the proprioceptive.." she said, ended it with a thin smile that it was almost a straight line.

I gulped my saliva, "Is there any m-mild form of hallucinations?"

She beamed, "Correct." She paused to breathe, "Its mild form is know as disturbance, and can occur in most of the senses above. These may be things like seeing movement in peripheral vision, or hearing faint noises or voices."

I stifled a gasp. The statement is correct, I'm hearing faint noises or voices.

"Auditory hallucinations are very common in schizophrenia. Auditory hallucinations of the malicious type are frequently heard."

My legs turned jelly for a moment and felt my heart sank.

"Is there anything wrong Jungkook?" She asked worriedly while holding my shoulder. I felt my face turned scarlet.

"Nothing, is there any cure for hallucinations? I mean auditory hallucinations?" I questioned her, furrowing my eyebrows.

"There are five ways to quiet auditory hallucinations Jungkook." She said, gazing at my eyes, "Engage the patient, normalize the hallucination —" And she began telling me everything.

I didn't pay attention at the half of what she said. What really bothers me is that I'm having hallucinations. I'm worried for myself. Should I keep this to myself?

"Jungkook are you sure you're okay?" She asked, I didn't answer her; I pretended to look interested at twiddling my fingers, "You're having hallucinations, aren't you?" she rose a brow.

I felt my insides twirl. I looked at her with wide eyes, "How do you know?" I asked her, my voice trembling.

"Is it obvious? Asking for permission to talk with me alone and mostly, asking what's hallucinations out of the blue." she snapped.

I scratched the back of my head, "I'm afraid."

"What voices are you hearing? What are they telling you?" She asked and grabbed both my shoulders.

"I-I'm afraid I shouldn't tell you." I said, my voice quivering.

"Tell me." She said and cast a threatening look by making her eyes huge.

"T-That.. I'm a dangerous person." I said which is true but it is not the thing that bothers me. What bothers me is.. 'She will never like you' and other pieces of crap.

"Hmm, okay.." She said slowly.

"You're not gonna transfer me into a mental hospital, righ'?" I asked, my voice shaking so bad that I didn't pronounce my words clearly.

"Of course not, it's just hallucinations.. it's not that bad." She said and smiled weakly.

I'm glad.