Between Living and Love || Complete ✔

//14//

I look up to see his face, whilst examining him head to – well I can't see his feet so... - torso? He looked like he was around the same height as me, just slightly taller.

"I'd actually like to talk in private, so if you guys don't mind getting out and grabbing some food, I'll be more comfortable apologising without people watching me. Intensively."

His voice, I've heard it before. It wasn't high pitched, not low, but in between. The smoothness of his voice was rather rough. It didn't take them long to leave the room, one by one the door opened and closed until it was just the two of us.

Penelope pulled him out of room to "knock some sense into him". Meanwhile, I was lost in thought. Who was he? I feel like I've heard his voice somewhere. I've seen him somewhere. Something about his voice took me back to that dark, isolated place.

~~~Flashback~~~

Only one guy out of everyone else I've thought of matched the descriptions I gave myself from the way he talks. Alex. Voice, low. Flow, rough.

It wasn't enough, I only had two pieces of evidence that I managed to catch. I was thinking of ways to build up onto that topic, with higher hopes of him admitting it was him before I even bring it up.

"Then, who...are you, exactly?"

Please, please, please, please, please.

"Alex. Alex Henderson."

~~~Flashback end~~~

Alex? How could I not have recognized him? The guy who fell for two of my best friends, the guy who didn't get to confess his love to the one that got away. The one Ella didn't know had feelings for her. The one I fell for. This disease might be giving me a stronger, more powerful comeback. It's taking my ability to remember things long term. I gave myself a slap in the face just to make sure this isn't a dream.

After a few stinging feels in the face, the door smacked open, with Alex walking in slowly. The way he's walking, it's so nice to see. I just want to go up to him and hug hi- no. Get serious here, Emma. He's going to apologise. Not to ask you out.

My mind dims when I thought of the possibility of him asking me out. Why am I still in love with a playboy? The heartthrob kid I used to fantasize about during lunch time back in grade school. Never the less, I was still in love with him. I guess I'll just keep my feelings hidden until the day I die.

"What did you need to apologise about?"

He glitched up to see me, with a witty smile slowly saddening. He took a breath, before getting himself ready to explain something that looked incredibly serious. Like something the government would want to keep away from people.

"I wanted t-to apologise a-about...-

"There's no need to stutter, I'm as afraid as you."

"W-what are y-you afraid about?"

Now's the right time to tell him, right? I am going to die anyway. That divinity shithead gave me another two days to make a decision since I completely forgot about it, it isn't my fault if this disease is slowly taking away my life.

"About you."

"What about me?"

Here goes nothing.

"I was afraid about dying without having anyone to love."

"W-who do you love?"

I didn't answer. If we were actually as close as I thought we were, he would've known by the time I told him what I was afraid of. I just smiled and took a breath, he looked confused and curious to know who it was. He doesn't know. I guess I'll just let it be then, he doesn't acknowledge my feelings for him and we aren't as close as I thought we were after all. It was rather heart-breaking to know he won't be yours, at least he won't know I had feelings for him when I die. It'll be the best, I don't want him to live with the feeling of guilt, I don't want him thinking he killed me because of it.

"I love my true love. We aren't close, I guess that's why I'll never get a chance to confess."

He nodded.

"Moving on...What did you need to apologise about? No need for stutters."

"I-..."

"You're stuttering."

He looked at me with that give me a chance to talk first bitch look. I responded with the warmest smile I could offer him; soon enough, we were sharing chuckles over something as small as an atom. It did take us a while to get ourselves together, before we started all over again.

It got me thinking at the same time. The Hanahaki Disease. I was really suffering from a one-sided love, why am I not coughing up flower petals? Am I not in love with him? Does he love me? I shake my thoughts off my head, before getting ready for the serious parts.

"Okay, okay. Let's calm down a bit."

"Agreed."

We both took a deep breath and let it all out at least three times before we actually calmed down.

"What did you need to apologise about?"

His smile turned sad, almost instantly. There isn't exactly a way to lighten up the mood at this point since the entire thing was supposed to be about him apologizing. He sighed and took all the power he could obtain to tell me what he'd done wrong.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not having the strength to tell you that..."

"That...?"

"That I..."

I was becoming insanely impatient at this point. I knew he would keep doing this if I don't make him budge a little.

"Just say it already!"

He's not telling me something. He's trying to tell me but it seems like it's not coming out. Not knowing what to do, I decide to give him a glare of disappointment. I was hoping that he'll give in once he saw, and it looked like it did the trick.

"C'mon, I can't wait for another fifteen years, can I?"

Because I was going to die before it even becomes fifteen years. I think he knew what I what thinking about, he just doesn't want to believe it.

"Alex, if you're not going to tell me why, I'm gonn...- "

"I caused the fire!"

"What?"

"I killed Ella! Okay? I started the fire. That's why I tagged along with Penelope and Carrie with the hopes of being able to save you guys."

"W-why? Why did you start the fire?! I lost my best friend because of it so you better tell me now." Asshole. Stupid. Dickhead. Playboy. Freak. What the fuck was he thinking? He better has a good reason for it, otherwise I will burst.

"It was an accident! I swear! I was walking through the back of the campus building when I saw a cigarette that was still lit, laying there on the ground. I gave it one blow, before throwing it into the bin. I was just about leave it alone when it started to light on fire. I didn't know what to do, so I poured my entire water bottle out but it just made it worse."

I was furious, confused and completely and utterly disappointed. I knew I was angry, but I also can never hold a grudge. I think it's best if we put that behind us; Ella, is after all...gone. There's no point of us trying to avenge her, it's not like she would want to see us fight over her.

"I just – let's put this behind us. There's honestly nothing we can about at this point. At least you... y-you tried to save us."

"I'm s-sorry!"

"I forgive you. I just won't be able to forget about it, but I forgive you."

I smile and gave him my hand to shake. He took and shook it back in return.

Even though we were on good terms, the only thing I was paying attention to was how his hands were on mine. I know it isn't right, I really shouldn't fall for someone who loved two people at the same time. A heart-breaker, and a possible player. I feel like I like the pain, I've been through so much, I think I can handle a small breakup or finding out a cheat somewhere along the lines. It's worth the risk, why? Because I was still in love. That's why.