Girls Astray. [Complete]

Amy: The girl who hides

The school corridor must be what hell looks like. A severe punishment for those who have sinned. I'm trapped in the shades of the hall, trying to avoid being seen, being heard or seen. Most importantly, found.

An array of gossip has surrounded me wherever I go, 'did you see her blog?', 'she's completely lost it I heard, shaved her head and moved in with a sheep farmer', 'her friends don't even know where she is, how messed up is that?'

Reminders of her hit me in every corner. Reminders that I should have been there, I could have been there, but maybe I don't matter, maybe she doesn't care.

The corner here is dark and sheltered by the shadows of year 11 boys that huddle here to avoid the teachers. The teachers don't venture to this part of the corridor, it's student ground, ground to swap items, or kick a kid in the nuts- whatever your secret is.

I fade into the dark corner, trying to forget. Now that everyone knows about Lolita, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to react. How do you admit that you don't actually know your best friend and you probably could have helped but no, instead your fantasising over her boyfriend- no. Don't think that again. Never think that again.

The sea of shadows suddenly lifts and the boys scuttle out of the corridor and hustle down the hall.

The quick succession of taps fill the room and echo through the air- those shoes mean one thing- Miss Sweetman. Even here she's found me. She taps her way over to me, all smiles and sunshine, then stops when she's directly in front of me.

"Amy," she purrs, her smile fixed to her stretched, lined face, "we have a lot to catch up on."

Meekly, I nod and without another word I follow her back to her office.

***

Positive affirmations surround me once more, encroaching on my space. They're anything but postings now- more like wallpaper to the facade of the school. The facade we live in. We accept.

"Now Amy," she croons as she leans closer towards me, "I wanted to ask you a few things about your lovely friend."

I gulp, the emphasis on lovely isn't promising. Anyone who knows Lolita knows that she is anything but lovely.

"So since our last chat we've become more concerned with her truancy..."

"Truancy?" I can't help but splutter as I suppress a laugh.

Miss Sweetman's face clouds over, "attendance is no joke, Amy."

Attendance, wow, they're still missing point.

"Miss, I know, but with respect, I don't think-"

"Excuse me?" She barks at me all of her sudden her lips pursed so small they could disappear all together at any second.

"I just mean that-"

"Let me ask the questions, young lady."

I can't help but sigh, now it's no wonder they haven't got anywhere...

"So, less of the attitude and actually try and help me." She spits at me and her mask has fallen a little, the cracks have been revealed, "the problem won't fix itself."

That floors me. Fix itself? Does she know? My eyes widen in hope as I wonder.

"So is there any reasons she would be skipping school? Any problems at home? Issues with boys? Friends?"

No she's missed the point.

"I don't think she's bunking, Miss-"

"She certainly is, young lady, I'll remind you you need to tell me the truth."

My jaw drops, can this woman actually be this stupid?

"All I meant is- that I don't think it's just bunking- like I said toy before, I think she on be missing. To be honest I know that shes's missing." I tried to stay calm but my voice came out all loud and high pitch again.

But she's shaking her head before I can finish.

"No, I can assure she's not missing, she's been seen-"

I leap to my feet and grab both of Miss Sweetman's hands, but she recoils from grasp, her lip wrinkles like she just trod in dog waste. She squeezes hand sanitiser all over her manicured hand before snapping,

"Stay in your seat, girl." The mask has truly fallen now. The ugly truth faces me.

I sit back silently, if I want to know more I'm going to have to play nice.

"Sorry, Miss, I'm just worried," I try to say demurely, even dropping my head to the ground. "Where did you say she's been seen?"

Her dark eyes bore into mine for a moment and it's like I've seen a tiny piece of her human self, a chink in the teacher armour, but then she opens her mouth and the spell is broken once more.

"It's none of your concern, but she's been seen very close to school premises, so we know she is not missing. Her mother fails to answer the phone, so we need some way to contact her and get her back to school. If we just knew why she hasn't come in it would make such a difference. We need you to be honest now, Amy."

She looks at me expectantly, as if I know the answer. If I knew the answer why I would I report Lolita missing to her? Do they really think I'm the answer?

"I know less than you Miss," I mutter in response, feeling like a deflated balloon at the realisation that Lo is just a tick box to the school, to the community, even to her Mum. Why should I tell her what I know, she doesn't really care...

"Does this painting help anything come to mind, Amy?"

Slowly, she turns over a piece of canvas and I swear I see her eyes water, just a fraction.

It is one of the most beautiful paintings I've seen. The light glows from it, the paint almost shimmering from the page in beautiful pinks and golds. But the expression on the face is painful, contorted into a terrible cry. The tears spurting down the round cheeks in glowing blues and greys.

The face is a baby's, but it doesn't have Alex's dimples or Lolita's alabaster skin. No it looks more like- in fact just like-

My heart plummets.