Girls Astray. [Complete]

That Girl: Lolita's entry

Unpublished

Title: The girl that pretends

I was dead. It worked too well- they forgot, all of them. They were better without me- I should have known that my poison was what dragged them down. They were better without me, shinier, happier, nicer- well mostly. Not to me. But then I'm just trash; that much is clear.

I left him- Tom- I was done with it. Done with being a toy, being used for his amusement. Getting fucked day in and day out isn't much fun, believe it or not. But it served its purpose, I was hidden, he was happy to keep his little sex toy hidden.

When I got out, I didn't feel free, I felt lost. There was nowhere to go- I called Mum, she didn't answer, I went to the flat- no one was there. It would be the same shit again and again for eternity.

I couldn't even go to Amy now- she may not have heard me before, but I always thought she'd be there. But then there was Alex. Zoe kept me well updated about the two of them. Ever the two faced bitch, even when she thought I was in the grave- who knew we took social media down to hell with us. I left the clues anyway, a little breadcrumb to see if she's still waiting and following me. She's not. Surprised? You shouldn't be.

Be ignored or be used. Ignored, used, used ignored- that is the cycle of my life. That is what I had to come.

I'm not letting that happen.

I know a way to escape. Where the light is and I can just float and be free, completely free- no more shackles, no restraint, no more judgement. I won't be a puppet anymore and the pain will end. It's not even pain anymore, it's a never ending pit of emptiness, a hole that nothing can fill, no one can fix. It'll be like sinking into a warm bath, closing my eyes and letting go. Getting my release. I'll be with you soon. Forever.