Don't Wake Me Up || Discontinued

Chapter Three - Bus Ride

I stared at the passing trees on the bus on the way to pick up Harry. Liam was already on the bus when I got on, and we had our greetings, then went back to doing our own thing. We didn't want to do anything big until the rest of the boys came.

We came to a slow stop at the light, and stayed there for at least five minutes. This light was always the longest one. Finally, it changed and we were on our way to Harry's again. We passed the park, signaling we were halfway there. Liam spoke up. "Are you excited about seeing him?" He spoke softly and leaned in closer to me, afraid anyone would hear. I was afraid I even say anything. I wanted to tell him all about our secrets meetings an code words but I couldn't; not without Harry's presence, consent and all the people surrounding us. I nodded. "What's the matter, mate? You've been hushed. Everything alright?"

I wasn't even sure what to say. I didn't even know if I was alright. I mean, yes, I was ecstatic about tour and all that mumbo-jumbo, but still, things were hard. My sisters still hated me, I still had to pretend I wasn't with Harry, I still ha to be in a fake relationship. That's what always caught me. Just because I'm One Direction doesn't mean my life is perfect. It comes very close to being so, but not exactly. I realized what a perfect response would be to Liam. I met his eyes; they were filled with sorrow. I recited a poem I memorized off Tumblr: "Pushed in a closet, locked up tight, done for money, kept out of sight; no more tweets or I love you's, just a few small hints and a couple of tattoos."

I simply stared ahead, tears spilling over my eyelids. I said it over ad over, feeling Liam's eyes staring at my sad, sad face. I didn't even realize we stopped. . . then Harry walked in. Almost as if it was a reflex, my hands darted up to my face to clear the tears falling from my eyes. "Louis!"

He ran over to me and slung his arms around my neck, squeezing me tight. I didn't have energy, I couldn't even give my forbidden boyfriend a hug. Ouch. Harry looked up at Liam when I didn't hug him back, and Liam made some sort of clucking noise with his tongue, causing Harry to back up and look directly into my eyes. I was sure he saw my soul. "Babe, what's wrong?" I knew that was coming.

"I'm going to use the loo," Liam said, then left. Well.

"Louis. . ." I swallowed, then sighed, not trusting my voice to answer. Involuntarily, tears streamed down my face. I failed at my attempt to swipe them away. Harry was still holding my hands, looking pleadingly into my eyes. I had to tell him, he deserved it, after all.

"My sisters. . . my family. . . us. . . Eleanor. . . Modest!. . . your family. . . everything, Harry. Half of my family hates me because of us. Modest! wants me to pretend to date El because of us. I hate me because I have to kiss someone I don't love for the show of it; I cant kiss who I do love. You. I made your family hate you. Some of them. Its my fault, and I'm sorry, Harry." Harry quickly stood up and sat next to me on the seat, pulling me closer.

"Louis, none of this is your fault. Half of your family hates you because they can't accept that you're happy. Modest! makes you date El because they can't deal with the loss of money they'll get if people get the news of a confirmed gay-Louis-Tomlinson. You can't kiss who you love - whoever that may be," he winked, causing me to crack a small smile, "- because the public can't get the stick out of their asses and accept that Louis, you will never want them. And, in fact, only my father hates me, but that's not much of a change. You see, Louis, none of this is at your fault. Its because people don't understand what happiness is, and they cant take change. They cant accept that happiness comes with all genders. Maybe one day people will realize 'Wow, what proper assholes we were for not realizing that happiness is happiness no matter who with.' or maybe they wont. I promise, you and I aren't the only ones getting pushed back like this. One day we will be free, and for now we do this in secret. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone except you, Louis. So please don't take yourself away from me, babe. I wouldn't be able to do this with anyone else. Sure, its painful but you're so, so worth it. I love you, and all those times that I could've lost you forever, I - I'd have to come, also. And then what?"

Now we were both crying, and we were almost near Zayn's. I didn't have strength anymore, so I let myself cry loud and terribly, but it felt good. Harry as right, though. He makes this worth it, we for each other make it worth it. I'm not giving up on our freedom. Who cares what they think? Oh, right, I do.

There were those times, though, that I didn't want to try. Not because I don't love Harry, because I do very much. but because of hate and everything, I didn't. Not as in breaking up with him, either, no. As in suicide. It was more than once, too. Every single time Harry pleaded with me not to; that he needed me. I believed him, and I'm glad I did. the day after one of my breakdowns, Harry's biological father hit him for the first time. Even if I left, I never wanted Harry to leave. He's more important than I am. I talked to Harry all day that day, assuring he would be there when I woke up the next day, and the next, and the next until God said his life was over. I was not losing Harry, and that's when I realized how I had made him feel. Then I realized I shouldn't do that because it is scary, and we needed each other.

I stood up and looked out the window, and Harry wrapped his hands around me waist, kissing my neck. "Mmm, you smell good," he hummed into my ear. I threw my head back onto his shoulder, looking at his eyes, still glossy from crying.

"I love you, Harry Styles."

"I love you more, Louis Tomlinson." I spun around and hit his shoulder playfully.

"No you don't."

"I do."

"No."

"Yes."

"We'll see about that." I grabbed his hand and dragged him into an area we call bedroom and threw him onto the bed, grinning mischievously.

"Oh, I get it."