365 days

Where The Road Ends~

There was so much more that I wanted to do before you disappeared, so much more I wanted to say. You are here now but I can’t help but question just for how long, I guess these day’s aren’t getting any easier for me no matter how hard I try to overcome. I’m 16 now an yet I feel like I haven’t aged a day. My mind is constantly thinking an I’m left not being able to focus, a lot of this has been sad, most of my journaling has been filled with my thoughts an things that have happened but I have no other way. Eleven truly made me happy, having friends made me happy but all of that will fade away someday an I’m afraid it will be because of the upside down. No matter how much hurt I bare the world just continues, every single day something else happens an I’m never part of the excitement. I’m barely even here anymore. Day’s an nights just fly by an each night I look at the moon, I see its glow but I don’t feel its warmth or the safety it brings, I’m simply left with a cold feeling. When I was younger I was happy but that was before I knew about all of the bad in the world, before I knew what was really going on. I wish I could go back in time an forget about all of the things that have changed me now, I wish El never disappeared. El is sleeping right now an I keep looking up at her not being able to help a smile. She looks so beautiful while she sleeps, how soft her smile rests upon her face an how relaxed she seems. I look at her an I’m reminded of everything good but I’m also reminded of everything I could lose, she made me feel something, her smile an how clueless she was. Just everything about her made my heart fly. I want to look at her an know that I’ll always be able to but with the Upside Down still around I know its unlikely. Slowly it is seeping its way into our world, red flashes an white flurrs are only apart of what is yet to come an I will end up losing her again. I wish I knew how to stop it, I wish I could do something but I cant. I just..cant. This is where the road ends, when all good things start to fade an good people die. I wanted to spend an eternity with El, I wanted to share many dance with her, hell spend the rest of my life with her but it seems there is only one way to be happy an that is to try an forget about the Upside Down until the day it finally seeps all the way in. Atleast we will die together that way, atleast we may all die together but I am afraid. I don’t want to die, but without El it felt like I already was. The world can come tumbling down, red flashes can begin fires an white flurrs can become ashes, the atmosphere can be poisonous  but as long as I have El an my friends by my side when its all over I don’t care what happens. This isn’t goodbye.