feelings

I'm "Fine"

"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." (Dieing inside.)

"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." (Continue to bug me till i tell you.)

"Hey, you seem supper happy. Why?"
"Oh, because I just am." (I am screaming inside.)

"Hey, what are you laughing about?"
"A video I watched earlier." (I am crying inside.)

Can't you see the pain you put me in? Can't you see what you are capable of doing to me? Can't you see that I can't hate you? Can't you see through the smile? Can't you see through my laugh? Can't you look into my eyes and tell something is wrong? Can you just hold me till I feel better? Can you stay close by and not leave me? Can you not treat me like everyone else? Can you be the shoulder to cry on when I need to cry? How come you just cant be their for me when I need you?

All I do is force a smile, because it is a lot easier then explaining what is wrong. I might be smiling, but inside I am crying for help. I am forcing a laugh so you don't ask me why I am not laughing, but I am crying inside for help. I might say I am "FINE", but "FINE" dose not mean fine. It means Falling apart, Insecure, No one important, Emotional. But you don't seem to realize that, you don't know the pain you put me in.

I'm hurting inside, can't you tell? Do I litterly have to show you what I feel and the pain you put me in? But even if I do show that I am hurting and crying inside would you actually step up and help me? Would you actually try to pull me out of the pain you put me in? Would you break the chains on my wrist? Would you actually try to step forward and help me out of my depression? Would you actually try anything to help me? Because it seems like you wouldn't do that for me.

It just seems like your using me to get back at your ex, that had hurt you and you need me for the plan. You tell me you love me, but do you really? You are using me to get back at someone, and then when they want you back you hurt me, and I hide my pain inside away from everyone around me because they don't care. But I also don't need your pity or anyone else pity eather. I don't know if you do know how much pain I truely am in. I am not even sure if you would actually care to know my pain I am in. I could also promise, you wouldn't be able to live a day in my shoes. You would have done what I am doing a lot earlier then I am.  You probably would have done killed your self.