feelings

Don't Be Fooled By The Smile

I smile, I laugh, but is it real? No it isn't, you think it is when it isn't. You think I am over what you did to me in the past. You think i am okay with how everyone is treating me. You don't even bother to say "Hey how is life treating you, are you feeling okay? I am sorry for what I did to hurt, I know I need to get a grip of myself and whip myself into shape. I need to realize that what i do and say can hurt people." But you don't care enough in general to even say any of that not even give someone a simple hug and tell them anything. Don't tell them they are going to be fine and everything will get better, because things just keep getting worse and worse.  

I act as if I am going to be fine, when people actually do try to help me, I end up pushing them away. I have had people try to actually show that they care. I just don't let it happen I can't trust anyone. I can't let people come and say hey can I earn your trust, I will litterer try anything to get it. Some people have done that, and then they end up turning around and abuse the trust. They knew how long it took to get that trust, but they know they can just come over and just get it back and continue to do the same thing over and over. They end up using you to get what they want and they do. They do what ever the hell they want. They break you down and end up making you force a smile that leads to depression then to cutting and a lot of other things and suicide as the last choice. And all because they thought you where okay by one little smile, that you continued to force day in and day out. They didn't even look deep into your eyes, they didn't bother to get to know the real you. They didn't even care what happened to you after you killed yourself. They acted like they cared,  but one 6 out of ever 10 or 20 people actually cared about you when you died. But when you have a low number of friends you only have very little people that care. Don't be fooled by the smile that you see on peoples face and don't treat them like crap because you don't know what they are going though.