feelings

I'm Sorry

I never lied about my feelings too you. I never lied about anything else. I was scared to tell you because I knew how you would react. I need you but I don't deserve you. You deserve better then me. I understand if you don't want to talk to me. I understand if you want nothing to do with me. I understand that this is all my fault and that I should just accept that fact. I don't accept the fact that I'm wrong all the time but I want you in my life. I haven't been happier then before just don't leave me like everyone else has. I just want you to stay.

I'm sorry, I didn't make you happier. I'm sorry, I can't do everything right. I'm sorry, that I will go back to faking a smile without you realizing or just you know act like everything is okay when it isn't. I'm sorry I'll just go back to the quiet and reserved one about my personal problems. I'm sorry if you ask you wont know what is wrong because I failed to ever let you know everything. I'm also sorry you didn't realize I was never okay and wanted to cry most of the time and just kept it hidden. I'm sorry I failed you as a girlfriend/friend. 

I wish I could make it up. I wish I could go back in the past and stop what happened. I wish I was just okay and could actually talk to you when something is wrong and not think I am annoying you with anything. I wish I just didn't make the mistakes I had made. I wish I would just stay with you but you won't listen. I wish I knew how you really felt when I was upset and you could clearly see it and you not say anything. I wish I could just make everything better. I wish their was just a reset button that you could use and reset your whole life that was a lie. I wish the choices my family made didn't affect me to how I am now. I wish the choice one person in my family would have just made the right choice before the mistake. 

I'm sorry, I know you won't forgive me after this and never will. I know you won't want to see me. I know you don't want to be around me. I know you just want your space and me out of your life for good. But I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for you to leave mine. I can't lose someone I care about so much. I cant even accept the fact that I know that if that happens then I won't see you.