Still Here

5

I feel as if I'm falling very quickly.

Pain courses through my entire body, igniting me. Everything inside me screams, but I cannot open my mouth. I must be about to burst or die of pain. My heart can simply quit now. I've already lost my will to live.

So what is keeping me here?

Maybe it's sheer anger. I can't even kill myself correctly. I don't get to take my own life. That power had to pried from my own fingers.

I think of God again. You could have at least given me this. A choice. It was the least you could have done.

I would sob, if I could.

I could have done so much more than this.

What is taking so long?

Why am I still here?

Maybe I'm already dead. I don't know whether or not that is a good thing.

I'm still feeling. Why am I still feeling? Did Cara go through this, too?

This is the exact opposite of what I had wanted. Anything seems better than this - this empty void of nothingness and the stark, burning pain that is my existence.

I think I will actually burst. I'm exploding inside, about to tear myself apart entirely.

But then it all stops.

I feel nothing.

I am nothing.

For once, I truly am nothing.

However, this invites a new thought:

Maybe I was something once.