Still Here

37

AJ only had a mother, who has the look of intense crying. She's a frail, blonde woman with high cheekbones and the same golden brown eyes as AJ. They share striking similarities, all of which make me want to fall to the ground and cry.

When I introduce myself, his mother gives me a painfully AJ-like smile and says, "AJ was very fond of you."

She says it in a way that makes me wonder if she even knew he was gay.

Jasmine has met her before. I watch her embrace the woman, both of them sniffling.

This is the only funeral I've attended since Cara's, and they're just as horrendous as I remember. I can tell this setting is going to torment me forever.

I look around and think, Join the nightmare club.

His casket is wooden. A warm brown, like his eyes. I squeeze Michael's hand and he squeezes back. He puts his other hand in his pocket before pulling out a small picture and giving it to me.

It's AJ, leaning on his crutches and smiling at Porter and Jasmine playing tag. Back on that good, sunny, winter day.

"I'm glad you hit me with your car," I tell him.

I want to tell him the whole reason I'm glad, but for the time being, I say it's because I got to meet AJ, which is true.

Michael gives me a funny look before saying, with some hesitance, "Me too."