Still Here

4

I end up skipping first period and aimlessly wandering about the school. The people remain oblivious, and I remain terrified.

I no longer look forward to my last moments, and instead find myself dreading them. When I return to class, it passes by in a blur, along with every other class. My adrenaline distracts me at every moment - causing me to forget each single one.

And before I know it, it's last period and I'm on the verge of tears again.

A part of me was expecting everything to change today. Positively. I was hoping that something would happen to change me and my fucked up mind.

But nothing happened.

I will not die a memorable person. I have not any reason to stay here. I am truly unwanted and it's all clear now.

Crystal.

Nobody speaks to me during class. The clock is ticking away pitilessly and I can practically feel the life being drained out of me.

It isn't going to take very much. A ring of the bell. A bus ride. A hand on a cold doorknob. A pull of a trigger.

It will all be over in moments.

A cry escapes my lips, but the bell rings at the same time, so nobody hears it. I throw a hand over my mouth and shoulder my backpack, fleeing as fast as I possibly can. I stumble away from my troubles, knowing that my last glimpse of the school will be distorted by tears.

I try blinking them back, but my eyes are a dam that is overflowing. Fast. I want to take the bus because it will be faster, but I can't get on like this. I don't have the patience, let alone the ability to hold back any more sobs.

I fumble to the sidewalk and press the light's button, but my vision is too warped for me to tell what the color is. I can't wait any longer and decide to take my chances.

I rush into the street, tears streaming down my face, making me as good as blind, just as the car rushes into me.