forget.

6.

i watched my mother
spill wine into her
coffee
and swallow it down
with the pieces of her
broken heart
and i bit down on the
straw dipping
into my diet coke
and snow kisses the
ground
and kills all the plants
and fuck
i don't think we were
ever in love
but it hurt so badly
when it ended,
i don't know what else
it could've been
because high school
crushes can't kill you
but god i'm so sedated
and my mother switched
to vodka
and i was the girl who
wasn't afraid of anything
i was the girl walking in the middle of
the street
and kissing boys without
getting dizzy
and now i'm terrified
to breathe
because the air wrapped
around me is laced with you
and jesus fucking christ
i think i'm dying
and i've been drinking
vodka too
and i swear to god
when i grow up and i
have a daughter
i'll never let her anywhere
near boys like you,
boys who make you fall
in love with the bottom
of liquor bottles
and put you to sleep
just to wake you up
and break you all over
again
and i'll never let her
see me spiking my
coffee with alcohol
or let her notice the
teardrops staining my
pillow case
because i thought it was
love
but we were never fucking
in love
love isn't supposed to
feel like earthquakes in
your chest or tsunamis
in your throat
but it does.
oh god it does.