21.

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don't tell me that i'm beautiful
until you've seen the marks
etched on my skin
and the ones on the inside,
on my heart,
that i hide.

don't tell me that i'm strong
until you've seen me break down,
fall apart,
time and time again,
and cry until the tears no longer come.

don't tell me that i'm a wonderful person
until i shut you out completely
and push you away
because i promised myself
that you are just like the rest
and you'll get tired of me too.

don't tell me that i'm lovely
until you've seen what nights are like
and the terror that sometimes possess me.
seen me sob, tremble and question "why me?"
until i run out of air
and collapse.

don't tell me that i'll get through this
that this is only temporary
until you've seen the inner torment
inside my mind
and the demons that refuse
to be silent.

but if you have seen the other part of me;
the scars, pain, insecurities, and bitterness
that i hide,
the voices that whisper during the day
and scream during the night.
the darkness lurking behind my smile.
and you still stay by my side
and think i'm truly beautiful.
then maybe...just maybe..i believe you.

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