Paranoid Park (boyxboy)

Wasted Youth

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(Mikey's P.O.V.)

  I wasn't too into Brian anymore. Not after that Saturday with Andy. I could only think of Andy above me, slick and strong body crying out my name. He let go in a way I hadn't seen. He never understood why I was always so loud and unrestricted in bed while he was inside me. Now he should.

   This Monday morning, all the way in May now, was humid and it made everyone go slow. I dragged my feet along the pavement to school. I wore ripped jeans, a white t-shirt, and the whitest pair of sneakers I owned and still wasn't all that cool.

  "Man, its fucking blazing out here," Nick hisses when I reach the school steps.

"Why isn't everyone inside?" I ask, my tongue thick with heat.

"They're fixing some of the air conditioners," Nick states, rolling his shoulders.

   I look around at the sea of students milling around in complete misery. The sun was baking us all to a crisp.

  "Where's Eli?" I inquire.

"Playing basketball with Andy," he scoffs.

"Its too hot, Andy might have a fucking attack. That damn idiot, he never listens to anyone about his fucking asthma!" I rant.

Nick just looks at me with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. I wasn't ready to give in. I decided that I needed to move on in life. High school needed to stay in high school. Andy was a time in high school and middle school. And elementary. But that's still the past.

We're going to see each other again.

    His words echo in my ears like bells. My heart jumps in excitement at the prospect of seeing Andy again. Grown and mature with a good job and future. A chance to try again with him. The logical part of me goes against it, pushing at the thought.

"Someday you'll regret this," Nick murmurs. He's looking off into the distance where skyscrapers and dreams, dead and alive, lie. I can only hope I come back here knowing I've done well for myself. I want to come back here and know my friends are well off too.

  "Why?" I ask.

"You want him so badly. After all this time of hoping to have him back, you're agreeing with the universe and all the people wishing bad on the relationship. You're letting the waves take you to some damn place you don't know. What good is a place without Andy? You two are meant to be one," he shakes his head.

"If someone had you hooked like that, then Andy has to be good. You don't go around falling in love with just anyone, you know? You're Mikey. You try to think with only your brain, but Andy screwed that all up, twisted you until you didn't know who you were. I have to say it was a good thing, he showed you some good and some bad, either way he taught you a lot," he says.

  I stand there with my head hanging and watching sweat drip from the tips of my hair, falling to the pavement soundlessly.

   "You'll remember him every. Single. Day. A day wont go by where you won't feel that ache. You'll be eighty-two with a bald head thinking about him. Maybe you won't remember what I'm saying, hell maybe you'll forget me, but you will remember Andy's smile, his laugh, his frown, his eyes, his present voice, you'll remember your youth. That's all old people think about. And then you'll cry later that night regretting you ever left without at least sorting things out," Nick sighs.

I'll die thinking about Andy. I've probably loved the boy since the first day I laid eyes on him.

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