Loving Lockwood

16

SECOND APPOINTMENT

"Jess, I'm nervous." I said as we got into the truck.
"It'll be okay babe. We'll have a healthy little baby. I promise." Jess said.

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and I have a nice baby bump. I've been experiencing a lot of cramping and some spotting lately. I'm worried that something's wrong with the baby. I saw my doctor at 8 weeks and she said the baby was healthy. Jess and I are going to find out the sex of our baby today, and then we'll do a gender reveal to our family. I really want a boy, but Jess wants a girl.

We arrive at the gynecologist's office, Jess holds my hand as we go in. I sign in and we sit and wait.

"Mrs. Lockwood." A nurse calls.

Jess and I stand up and follow her back to an ultrasound room. I lay down on the bed and Jess stands up beside me, holding my hand. Soon, my doctor comes in.

"How are the Lockwoods today?" Dr. Cole asks.
"We're pretty good." Jess answered and smiled.
"Are you ready to find out the sex of your baby." She asked.
"Yes." Jess and I answered at the same time.

I rolled my shirt up and she put the cold gel on my stomach. Dr. Cole put the ultrasound wand on my stomach and moves it around on my stomach. I see her expression change from happy to sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I'm sorry guys, but I'm not finding a heartbeat." She announced.
"That can't be right. Try it again." Jess said.

Dr. Cole continued to move the wand around but there still wasn't a heartbeat.

"By the way, it's a girl." She said and I could see slight tears in her eyes.

I began to cry and Jess squeezed my hand.

"I can perform a D&C procedure or you can try to carry it to term." Dr. Cole said.
"What's D&C?" Jess asked.
"We'll extract the baby." She answered.
"Is carrying to term a good idea?" I asked.
"There's a chance you could get an infection or have other complications. I'll step out, so you and Jess can talk about your decision." Dr. Cole said and left the room.

"I want to carry it to term." I said.
"I'm not letting you do that, Kenz. I could end up losing you too." Jess said and he began to cry.

We discussed it for a while before I finally decided to have the D&C procedure done.

A couple hours later, I leave the hospital after my procedure. They'll send the remains to the mortuary and we'll have a small funeral.

Jess drives us home and I cry the whole way. When we get home, my mom and Jess's mom are there and each one hugs me tightly.

After eating a little bit for supper, Jess and I lay down in our bed. I drift off to sleep quickly.