Kyle POV:
"KKKKKKYYYYYYYYLLLLLLLEEEEE!" Dan screams, running out of the bathroom.
"What the hell is wrong?" I ask, Dan clearly infuriated.
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? PUT THE TOILET PAPER FACING TOWARDS THE TOILET! I CAMT REACH IT OTHERWISE!" Dan growls, his hair sticking up.
"If it's like that, the cat will get to it!" I reply calmly. "Besides, I can reach it, you just need to stretch a little bit."
"WELL YOU HAVE LONGER ARMS THAN ME!" Dan yells back, waving his shorter-than-mine arms in the air to prove a point.
"I will give you that, but remember the mess last time it was the right way?" I say, eye balling the cat, who is currently purring innocently, though the lack of innocence is hilarious.
"Last time it WAS the right way, I could reach it!" Dan howls. "Because the RIGHT WAY IS FACING OUTWARD!"
"Danny, do we need to pull a public restaurant and install two toilet paper holders?"
"NO WE DO NOT! YOU CAN LITERALLY JUST CLOSE THE BATHROOM DOOR AND NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR PRECIOUS CHARMIN ULTRASOFT." Dan screams, looking at me for a long moment. "I DECLARE A PILET PAPER WAR!"
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The following three weeks have consisted of:
Dan duct taping the toilet paper roll in the "right" way, which was impossible to unroll.
Me taping toilet paper over the door of our bedroom to create a beautiful curtain of toilet paper.
Dan tweeting a poll asking how people place their toilet paper.
Me filling Dan's laptop bag with toilet paper with the words "Backward facing TP!" Written on every sheet.
Dan wrapping me in toilet paper overnight so I'd look like an Egyptian mummy.
Ralph joining in and tweeting Dan and me a picture of a toilet paper roll.
We finally ended the war in the most beautiful way imaginable. I had tricked out a nerd gun (provided by an awesome fan) to shoot toilet paper. I had woken up with Dan out of bed, so I grabbed my gun and creeped out. I discovered him in the kitchen hanging Toulet paper from every surface imaginable. With a single cough, I got his attention. Our eyes locked and I pulled the trigger. Toilet paper flew a short distance into dark hair. The toilet paper in Dan's hand dropped to the floor. A disgusted squeal escaped into the air.
The disgusted squeal was mine.
Dan and I had been drinking the previous evening, so we were between drunk and hungover. Apperantky, I had held the gun incorrectly and hat shot myself with stolen public restroom toilet paper.
And that is the story of my first war with my occasional lovely boyfriend Daniel Smith.
