Hey guys! It's Dani! I'm writing this chapter for Avery because she isn't feeling too well emotionally lately.. (More details in her rant book) I hope I do an adequate job at portraying Dyle for now until Avery is up to it in the near future.
Love ya!
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Kyle POV:
Every month or so, if we aren't touring, the guys and their girlfriends will all come over and have a couples night. It's very entertaining and everyone usually ends up staying the night. Dan on the other hand, doesn't seem to think it's that fun. He loves hanging out with the whole gang, but as you know, Dan is single as fuck. Everyone is waiting for the day Dan bursts into the group chat typing in all caps about a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Of course, knowing Dan's antisocial ass, he never can ask somebody out. Also knowing his antisocial ass, he never knows when to leave for events, making him either ten minutes early or ten minutes late. There is no in between. This brings us to the current situation with Will, Awuoi, Woody, Chrissy, Janna, and I sitting in the waiting room for him to text me "I'm here." And rush in apologising for being so late. Everyone is chattering about the Taylor Swift album or something as Dan FINALLY decides to show up. I predicted correctly.
"Sorry I'm late!" Dan exclaims as I open the door for him.
Woody reluctantly hands Will five pounds.
"Actually, you're just in time." Awuoi assures him. "The ladies and I were thinking about beginning a lip sync battle." She explains, tapping her fingernails together.
"Interesting." Will says, already mentally preparing himself for severe embarrassment.
"Any objections?" I ask the group.
Nobody says a word.
"Lovely." Janna says hoarsely. (She lost her voice from screaming too much at a concert)
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After tearing apart my entire house for a hat and writing our names on paper and putting them in said hat, we write names of songs that literally everybody in the english speaking world knows along with the number of people required for the lip syncing. We place those in a bowl because we couldn't find another hat. The lip syncers get three minutes to decide what to do.
The first pair of names to be drawn was Janna and Woody who had to do Chandelier by Sia. It was rather interesting to watch them, but the one to steal the show was Dan, dramatically belting the whole song from the couch.
"Alright." Chrissy says after the applause. "The next song is All Star by Smash Mouth." She laughs. Two people. I pull two pieces of paper from the hat.
"We've got..." I say, unfolding one, "Dan." I watch his lips grow into a smile, which forms into laughter. It shocks me that he doesn't have a partner. He's perfect. "And..." I draw another name. "Me." I say, reading the messy 'Kyle' on the sheet of paper.
Janna types agressively into her phone to pull up the song. Dan and I exit stage left to converse in the kitchen.
"Wing it?" Dan asks.
"Yeah." I reply.
We stand in silence, debating on staying in here to look choreographed or go back and look freakishly quick.
"Do you still have those Shrek masks?" Dan asks, looking smug.
"I think..." They're probably in the office upstairs. "Let me check."
I sneak upstairs, trying not to draw attention to myself. I creep up the stairs, turning into the office where I unceremoniously rummage through the desk drawers like my hands are on fire. I eventually recover three Shrek masks, two of which heavily creased. I take the three downstairs and again, overdramatically creep through the hall into the kitchen.
"Got em." I say, putting them on the counter.
Dan studies the masks, selecting the two in best condition.
"Should we walk out with them on or hide them under our shirts and put them on later?" He asks, checking the time.
"It'll be difficult to dance with hiding masks." I observe.
"Very true." Dan agrees. "Let's just put them on when the song starts."
"Time!" Woody shouts from the other room.
I hide my slightly creased mask behind my back as we shamefully walk through the living room for our performance. Janna cues the music and there's no turning back now.
The familiar and nostalgic line fills the air. "SomeBODY one told me the world was gonna roll me,"
Dan looks over at me and attempts to duplicate my improvised dancing. It's awful to say the very least.
We ran into a problem very early on with the masks. We quickly realized that while wearing said makes, we cannot see. An even bigger problem is that since the mucus green grin covers our mouths, making it impractical to bother lip syncing. Dan and I eventually start using the masks as props instead of costumes, which works out awfully splendid.
Once the iconic tin finally fades out after three and a half minutes of half assed energy, I collapse on the couch, my head on Janna's knee.
"You looked sexy in that Shrek mask." Dan mutters to me.
"So did you, ya ogre." I reply, immaturely sticking my tongue out.
Proceeding round of the Macarena, Wrecking Ball, and Bohemian Rhapsody, Janna draws a card calling for four people. The song, my friend, is Stacy's Mom.
The names drawn:
Awuoi
Woody
Dan
Will
Interesting lineup. The group exits to the kitchen to plan their concept. Once they emerge, they take their places. Will stands in the middle with his head down. Awuoi stands to the left of him and Dan stands to the right. Woody is on the far left.
Throughout the verse, pre chorus and beginning of the chorus, Will elaborately lip syncs to Awuoi as if she's Stacy. Once the twist in the lyric "I think I'm in love with Stacy's mom." Will shoves Awuoi out of the way and caresses Woody's cheek.
This lovely skit continues through the laughter, including Dan walking out of the room after the lyric about Stacy's dad walking out on them.
Once they wrap up the song, everybody agrees that there is no way anybody can top that.
"Wow, Danny boy. I'm surprised that you didn't play Stacy's mom." I tease.
"They asked, but couldn't pay enough." Dan scoffs, tilting his head away from me.
"Sure..." I reply, trying to taunt him.
"Yeah that's a complete lie. They thought about kicking me out of the group." Dan explains.
"Not surprised." I mutter.
"Hey!" He yells, hitting me on the shoulder.
"You know I love you!"
"Damn right you do."
