white blank page // luke hemmings

04.

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luke's pov

“Do you get this nervous every time you see her?” Michael asks with a grin, causing Ash and Calum to erupt in laughter. The dressing room is thick with nerves (mine, mostly) and stiflingly hot. The venue's air conditioning is busted, which means all of us are already starting to sweat in the way we usually only do while we're performing.

"Shut up, Mikey." I mutter, fumbling with the guitar sitting in my lap. I aimlessly run my hand through my hair, trying to avoid looking at anywhere except the floor. I'm more nervous for this show than I've been for any other one, honestly.

"Aw, how cute," Calum coos, elbowing Ashton, who's seated on a stool next to him, in the ribs. "Lukey's got a girlfriend." They all erupt in laughter, wide smirks spreading across their faces. They've been teasing me since I told them about the letters and Isobel, everything. They've been asking about our date (if you could even call it that) since the minute it ended, and bugging me about how much I text her for the past three days.

"What d'you like so much about her, anyways?" Ashton asks, a fair amount of curiosity in his voice. I word my answer carefully.

"She kind of just gets it, I don't know." I mumble, avoiding his gaze. They don't really know the extent of the things she's told me. We've covered practically everything in our letters. Politics, music taste, first kisses, the whole lot. It's weird to them -it's still weird to me, even- that I could so willingly become invested in someone I'd never even met in real life. At least not until the whole coffee shop ordeal. Which was incredible in a really awkward way.

“Oh, she gets it?"Calum asks, causing the boys to roar with laughter at his lame attempt at a sexual innuendo. I can feel my face growing red and I play with the guitar in my hands more.

“Can we just warm up already?” Ashton asks, stifling his laughter and looking at the others expectantly. Something stirs inside of me, and I jerk my head up.

“No, wait.” I hold a hand up, thinking about Isobel. “Don’t bother me about her anymore, alright?” I look between the three of them, their faces falling as soon as they hear what I’m saying. “And please don’t mess with me in front of her tonight, she kind of matters.”

Cal shrugs, picking up his guitar and heading out the door behind me. Michael exchanges a look with Ash, and I can only just hear what they’re saying to each other under their breath. “Is he serious?” Michael whispers and Ashton gives him a slight nod, and they leave the room, heading to the stage to start practicing.

Before I leave I check my phone. We’ve got about two hours before the show starts. Two hours before I get to see Isobel, and whoever she brings. That makes me more than a little anxious, but I try to shake it off as I put the phone down and head out to the stage for our soundcheck, struggling not to think about what kind of impression I’ll leave on her friends.

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“Really, Luke?” Michael asks humorlessly. We’re going over Try Hard, and I’ve messed up on the opening lines, my part, four times in a row. We all laughed it off the first and second times, but the third time made things tense and now it’s just embarrassing.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Ashton and Calum exchange a glance, and know what they’re thinking. It’s her, isn’t it? And it is. I’m that shaky when I'm around Isobel. The fact that I'm this distracted and she hasn't even showed up yet is worse. She’s gonna see me, and her friends will put a face to the boy she’s told them about, and she’ll hear us perform, and she probably won’t like it, given her music taste.

“Let’s just do a different song, yeah?” Calum suggests, beginning to strum the opening guitar chords of She Looks So Perfect. We all start singing the intro, and I try to focus on the music and nothing else. I lapse into the first verse, but Ash and Cal start singing over me.

“Isobel, Isobel,” They replace the first line, and I don’t have to look at them to feel their grins. I stop trying as soon as I realize what they’re saying.

“They say..” Calum trails off, Ash and his voices fading entirely. “I don’t know what else to say,” He says simply, and we all start laughing, the laughter echoing into our microphones and filling the room.

This is what we're like, the four of us. The merciless teasing and prodding, the constantly trying to make a joke out of everything, and the genuine love we have for each other under it all. We've been through a lot together, and even though we bicker and argue sometimes, I don't think any of us would know what to do with each other.

"You'll do fine tonight." Michael says softly, reaching out and jostling my shoulders from his spot beside me.

I know I should just believe him, just focus on wrapping up the soundcheck and playing the gig, so I do. We go over the set-list once more, and go back to rehearsing it.

She doesn't leave my mind.

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We haven't even gotten on stage yet and I can already hear the crowd. We've got fifteen minutes until we start, and the screaming and laughter of the audience is already ringing in my ears.

Tonight's venue isn't anything particularly impressive, just a theatre not far from where I met Isobel, actually, but the turn-out is fantastic. I haven't seen how full it is yet, but judging by what I'm hearing it must be packed.

This is somewhat of a relief. It means I probably won't be able to find her in the crowd, unless I really look. Which I'm going to try my hardest not to.

I've been texting her in between getting ready to perform, trying to coax her into meeting me backstage before the boys and I have to go on.

Which, honestly, is a terrible idea on my part. I'm not completely sure if it would be better to see her before the show starts or not see her until after.

"Luke!" Michael's voice ring outs, the sheer volume of it causing the fans already pressed up against the stage, waiting for us to start, to erupt in screams and laughter.

I turn around, practically body-checking a stout man with a clipboard in his hand. I mutter a half-assed apology and lift my head, trying to find Michael in the small army of people rushing around me.

I find him, though. Flanked by three girls, two of which I've never seen before, a brunette and a redhead.

And her. Isobel, with the most uncomfortable look on her face, staring straight at me like a deer caught in headlights.

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