Yes Please || c.g. {complete}

Safe

*WARNING: the following chapter (briefly) describes sexual assault and may be triggering to some.*

22

.Layla.

Carl and I had walked straight east until we hit the lakefront. I wasn't ready to go home yet. I cried silent tears as he held his arm around me the entire way.

When we got to the big rocks along the lake, we climbed out onto them and sat down. My butt hardly hit the rock before I collapsed into Carl in a fit of sobs.

He held me, wordlessly, for a long time. He stroked my hair and kissed my temple. I felt a teardrop that wasn't my own hit my cheek.

"I'm so sorry," he finally whispered.

I swallowed hard, trying to slow down my tears as I sat up next to him. I had suppressed what had happened for a long time, never really facing the reality of it before tonight.

"He will never do that to you again," Carl said firmly. "No one will."

I nodded at him and smiled a little through my tears, because he had already proven that to be true. I was safe with Carl.

"Do you feel like talking about it?" he asked nervously. "You don't have to."

I took a deep breath. It was time I got this off of my chest. "As you heard over and over, I get really drunk sometimes at parties and I act stupid."

"Everyone does that, baby," he comforted me. "That's not a bad thing."

I smiled and put my hand on his. "Well we were at these guys' apartment last year, and I was drunk enough that I started getting the spins. I found the nearest bedroom door and I crawled into the bed to lie down. I just wanted the room to stop spinning." I paused, tears welling up again as I prepared for the next part.

"Shh, it's okay," Carl whispered, hugging me to his chest again. "You don't have to talk about it."

I cleared my throat. "And the next thing I knew, I woke up to some guy on top of me, pinning me down and thrusting into me."

I felt Carl's fists ball up behind my back.

"I tried to stop him," I began to sob. "I wasn't strong enough, Carl." I put my head in my hands. "He told me I wanted it; that I had begged him to fuck me. He called me a slut and said I was lucky he even said yes to me." I broke down.

Carl's breathing was louder and shorter next to me. I heard him sniff.

"I ended up leaving his place and calling an Uber to take me back to my dorm," I continued. "I must have looked like such a wreck. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror though. I took a long, scalding hot shower and tried to scrub the filth off. I was raw by the time I got out. I took some of my roommate's Ambien and passed out."

Carl wiped his eyes angrily with the back of his hand, his gaze fixed ahead on the vast darkness of Lake Michigan.

"I finally woke up the next afternoon, and I called Stella," I said. "I needed to get the Plan B pill but I was scared. She came with me and I told her the gist of what had happened."

"Why didn't she tell someone? Or make you tell someone?" Carl asked softly, still sniffling.

I shook my head. "She tried. I wouldn't let her. I swore her to secrecy. I told her it was my own damn fault for getting so drunk; that I had put myself in a bad situation. I was so ashamed of myself, Carl."

"It wasn't your fault," he whispered, barely audible over the crashing waves below.

"I know that now," I told him. "At the time I thought it would be easier for everyone, myself included, if I moved on from it. Over spring break I went to buy a gun but I chickened out. Instead I adopted the biggest fucking pit bull I could find. I wanted to feel safe again. I kept him a secret from my R.A. for the last bit of the school year, and convinced my parents to rent an apartment off campus for me instead, although I obviously didn't tell them why." I put my hand on his.