Tainted Love [Black Veil Brides]

Chapter 12

I woke up with a shrill scream, the door of my room swinging open.

“Rose.” Andy breathed, looking at me. The tears instantly fell from my eyes but he didn't walk over to me. I saw the worry in his blue eyes as he sighed. He began to make his way over, making me pause. He hadn't really spoken to me like he used to.

“Rose.” He repeated, feeling unsure. I looked up at him, biting my lip. “I know that I haven't been -”

Andy was interrupted by his ringtone. He took it out of his pocket and sighed.

“Goddamn, Lauren.” He hissed under his breath. “I have to take this, I'm sorry.” He walked out of my room swiftly without a second glance. The feelings of overbearing jealousy and hurt coursed through my veins and I became so angry. I picked up the glass on my table and threw it against the door watching the object shatter into tiny little pieces.

 Andy had done it all over again; he had picked his girlfriend over me.

Then again, why wouldn't he? He just didn't understand that I needed to talk to someone I knew, not some therapist. I couldn't approach him, my guards were up. I did the only thing I knew.

Push everybody away without any warning. Of course, he wasn’t going to approach me. He was probably confused just like I was.

I just didn’t really know anymore. I wanted him so bad that it hurt sometimes. Lauren had no idea how lucky she was to have someone like Andy care for her.

I would kill for that.

I got out of bed, cleaned up and went downstairs, seeing Ashley on the sofa. He was really cut up about what had happened. He smiled at me sadly, his eyes were tired.

“Andy just went out; he's gone to his girlfriend.” That word was like a stab to the chest. “I'm sorry.” He apologised, realising his mistake. I shook my head at him, not being able to speak. I didn’t know what to say, I was feeling overwhelmed by all these feelings of disgust and confusion. He patted the space on the sofa next to him and I walked over, sitting as close to the edge as possible.

“Have you eaten?” Ashley asked. I didn't reply so he took that as a no. “How are you sleeping?” He spoke. I shrugged, not explaining myself. He knew about the nightmares. “I miss you.” He blurted out. I looked at him with a confused expression. “I miss your laugh and your jokes.” He sighed. “I also miss your voice. Rose, will you please talk to me?” He pleaded. A hesitant smile flashed across my face and Ashley's eyes lit up.

“Do you hate me?” I whispered, finding my voice. He looked baffled.

“No, Rose. Never.” He said softly. For the first time in two weeks, I smiled genuinely.

“Good.” I replied.

“How are you feeling?” He asked sympathetically.

“How am I not feeling?” I countered, my voice still quiet. “I feel disgusting. Ashamed. Embarrassed.” I mumbled, my cheeks flaming red.

“It wasn't your fault, you shouldn't feel ashamed. I understand that you're hurting but don't torture yourself, please.” He looked me in the eyes before they dropped to my wrist. “Oh, Rose.” Ashley groaned. I quickly tugged the sleeve down, looking at the floor.

“This isn't the way to deal with it, Rose. None of us want to you do this and I know that you don't want to carry on like this, kiddo.” His face softened as he spoke.

“But I don't know what to do. I'm sick of it all. I feel like I've let everybody down I mean, I can't let anybody touch me. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it's all going to be fine but I just can't handle it.” Tears rolled down my face as Ashley stared at me, sharing my pain.