This Lifetime

Chapter 13

Yung gulong-gulo ka na sa feelings mo.

I know I love Abraham. But I also know that I still love Yuan.

"Hulaan ko iniisip mo" Trina said "Sana dalawa ang puso mo no?" Inirapan ko lang s'ya, pero seriously malaking tulong ang mga jokes n'ya, somehow gumagaan ang lahat

"Oo para pwede kong idonate kay Yuan yung isa"

"You do know that both of them are hurting, eh?" I sighed, I'm hurting too, hindi ko naman ginusto na saktan sila.

Ilang araw na akong hindi nagpapakita kay Yuan. Kahit kay Abraham.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sila pakikitunguhan.

I decided to go on for a drive pero hindi ko alam kung bakit dito ako sa puntod ni Lola Amethy napadpad.

"Hindi na po ako nakapagdala ng flowers, sorry Lola" umupo ako sa tiles ng museleo. I wiped my own tears.

"All I wanted is to be happy"

"I want everyone to be happy, pero bakit ang hirap hirap naman makuha" I chuckled para akong baliw dito but I couldn't care less.

"Sabi nila masaya ka raw noong nabubuhay ka pa, you and Lolo Yael" I looked at his thomb, "If both of you really have been reincarnated, bakit hindi ko maramdaman yung saya?" Useless questions.

"Alam mo ba 'La, hindi na kita napapanaginipan" Natigil yung mga panaginip ko sa kanya after I left "I'm sorry I hated you, both of you, I just don't understand kung bakit nila pinipilit na kami ay kayo"

"Yuan suffered a lot, because of that"

"Hindi mo naman kailangan mabuhay sa anino ko," Someone spoke, kinilabutan ako, hello sino matutuwa na may nagsasalitang patay

"La, alam kong nagalit ako sa'yo pero di mo naman kailangan magparamdam" I mustered all the courage I have left and looked at her.

She's so beautiful.

"Tsaka nag-sorry na ako" di ko mapigilan na titigan s'ya. She looks like me... pero ang angelic ng itsura n'ya!

She laughed, omg even her laugh is beautiful.

"You're adorable" yun lang sinabi n'ya tsaka s'ya ngumiti sa akin bago nagsalita ulit "Kyla, happiness is a choice, tandaan mo hawak mo ang kapalaran mo, kami ng Lolo mo pinili namin maging masaya, dahil mahal namin ang isa't-isa"

"Sapat ba na mahal n'yo ang isa't-isa?" She nodded tapos tinignan n'ya yung puntod ni Lolo Yael. I can see how much she loves him. Kitang-kita, walang halong pagsisisi, walang lungkot, puno lang ng nag-uumpaw na pagmamahal.

"Sometimes you have to listen to what your heart tells you, sa tingin ko iyon ang ginawa ni Yuan, hindi dahil apo namin kayo, kundi dahil iyon talaga ang nararamdaman n'ya"

"Pero may iba na akong minamahal"

"You will not be swayed by anything or anyone if you really love Abraham"

"Kyla" may ibang tumawag sa akin, kilala ko ang boses na 'yon. Papalakas ng palakas yung tinig n'ya hanggang sa may sobrang liwanag ang bumulag sa akin.

Nagising ako.

Panaginip na naman, pero this time nakausap ko na si Lola.

"Are you okay?" Tanong n'ya na puno ng pag-aalala, ilang araw ko rin s'ya hindi nakita. Aaminin ko na-miss ko s'ya. Kaya niyakap ko s'ya ng mahigpit.

Nakatulog pala ako dito sa museleo, ilang araw din kasi akong puyat kaiisip ng kung ano ba dapat ang tamang gawin sa sitwasyon namin.

Bumitiw ako.

"Sorry" sabi ko

"Stop saying that word" he replied

Silence.

"Did you," he hesitated "minahal mo ba ako?" I was caught off guard, I never told him. I had a lot of chances but I never did anyway.

What's the point of answering his question. I'm in love with someone else, his brother.

"I love your brother"

"That's not the question"

"That's my answer"

"Fuck your lies Kyla, I know you loved me"

"If that's what you wanted to believe, suit yourself"

"Why are you doing this? Why are you hurting me like this? Ano bang ginawa ko sa'yo? Minahal lang naman kita di ba?" He's crying. I'm broken. This ill-fated relationship won't work.

"That's the point, Yuan, nagkakasakitan lang tayo, naiintindihan mo ba? Hindi talaga pwede" I tried to be sound as cold as possible. Ayokong umasa s'ya.

"Hindi naman tayo magkakasakitan if you believed in me"

"Naniwala ako sa'yo, I really did, pero Yuan, I just can't trust your feelings" gulong-gulo ako noon, wrong timing. I don't know if he really loves me back then, if that feeling comes from him bot because he wants to fulfill what our family wants.

A happy ending for Amethy and Yael.

Call me selfish or whatever, theirs were all in the past. I choose who I want to love and no one has the right to take that away from me.

"Do you really love Abraham that much?" He said in defeat

"Yes"

"Then I can die peacefully" and as if on cue he fainted.

Hindi agad ako nakagalaw, bigla kong naalala, he was detected with a heart disease.

Fuck.

I called an ambulance.

Naagapan si Yuab. Ang sabi ng doctor, he's emotional stress was the cause why he fainted.

Ang bilin sa akin ay iiwas s'ya sa stress.

Pero ako yung cause ng stress n'ya.

Anong gagawin ko?

Then the doctor talked to me.

"We found a heart donor"

"Sino po? Para naman mapasalamatan namin" I asked

"Ayaw n'ya ipaalam kahit kanino, I'm sorry but as doctor we have a protocol to keep something confidential to ourselves and the hospital, I can't give you details" I nodded.

Pumasok ako sa room ni Yuan. He was staring at the ceiling.

Umupo sa may gilid ng bed n'ya.

"You have heart donor"

"I don't need one"

"Yuan please"

"Wala naman akong dahilan para lumaban"

"Yuan, wag ganito" nahihirapan din naman ako sa nangyayari. I want him to be happy even without me.

"Kyla... you're happy with Kuya... and I can see how much you love each other. Panggulo lang naman ako sa inyo"

"Then what about your parents? Don't you think you're being selfish? You know how much Tita Lana went through when Lolo Yael and Lola Amethy died" he was crying again, hindi pa rin naaalis ang tingin n'ya sa ceiling.

I held his hand.

"Yuan," I sighed "Oo minahal kita, I'm sorry if hindi sapat 'yon para ipaglaban tayo"

"I don't think that I can love anyone else, Ky..."

"Yes you can, you'll be able to love again. It takes time, kaya please Yuan magpa opera ka" I'm trying so hard to convinced him.

"Can you promise me that you'll be there after the surgery?" This time he looked me in the eyes. I nodded and smiled.