This Lifetime

Chapter 14

She wasn't there when I opened my eyes.

She broke her promise, but I can't blame her. She has lost someone she love so much in order to save me.

We all had no idea.

"Three years" sabi ko sa harap ng puntod "Kuya I'm sorry"

There was never a day na hindi ko sinisi ang sarili ko.

My phone rang.

Mom.

"She's here" nakabalik ka na pala. Hindi ko naman alam kung paano kita haharapin.

"Okay" that's all I said. I drove back to our house. Ilang minuto rin bago ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob bumaba.

Nasa garden sila.

There she was, with long beautiful black straight hair. She's smiling, I'm glad to see that.

Maganda ka pa rin. No traces of how broken you were three years ago. Hindi ko makakalimutan yung mukha mo before you left.

I made you that way, I made your life miserable. I broke you and even if I wanted to fix you, you didn't allow me.

You shut me down completely, at hindi kita masisi. Kasi alam kong everything was my fault.

You looked my way, I smiled. I saw a blank face.

Lumapit ako, you ignored me.

I understand, I'll try to understand.

"Yuan, saan ka ba galing kanina ka pa namin hinihintay" Tita Mia said.

Everyone was forgiven, except for me.

"Dinalaw ko lang po si Kuya" I saw you stiffened for a moment pero agad mong nabawi 'yon. I see, you're still not over everything.

You need more time? I can wait, Ky...

That's all I've been doing all my life.

"Oh, Ky ikaw?" Mom asked her. She smiled before answering.

"Galing na po ako doon kanina before I headed here" lies, I was there since morning.

"Ah sayang hindi tayo nag-abot" I tried to sound casual as possible.

"Hindi rin ako nagtagal, I just said hi, excited akong makita sila Mommy. And what's the point of staying there, he won't even talk to me right?" The sting in every word. I'm sorry I made you this way.

I excused myself.

I can't stand seeing her like that.

What the hell did I do to you?

I lyed down, stared at the ceiling and cry.

It's passed six in the evening when I heard a knock.

Dinner.

It was rather pleasant. No word from her. I'm her most hated person, I get it.

Gets na gets ko.

Umalis na sila, she didn't even say good bye to me. Not even looked at me.

If only I can bring the past back, if only I knew my brother's plan. Hindi naman ako papayag eh. I know how much he means to her. I'm willing to give up the moment she said that she loved me. Kaya ako pumayag magpa-opera.

So that I won't be a burden to her anymore. I know she cared for me, narealize ko lahat 'yon while she's trying to convince me.

Sayang wala akong power to time travel.

Bumalik ulit ako sa kwarto.

Three years na ako nag-iisip ng paraan kung paano ko ibabalik ang dating Kyla.

Kahit hindi na n'ya ako mahalin ulit, kahit di na n'ya ako mapatawad, wag lang yung ganito s'ya.

Another day, "See you again Bro" I said looking at his photo.

There she was, talking to him

"A..." she wiped her tears "I'm sorry" fuck, this isn't your fault Ky...

I wanted to hug her.

"Please come back to me" she chuckled "or better yet isama mo na ako sa'yo"

"Ang daya mo, sabi mo sa akin mahal mo ako at ipaglalaban mo ako kung sino man ang magtangkang kumuha sa akin mula sa'yo"

"Why did you do that?" She's crying so hard.

"Alam mo ba kung gaano ako kasaya noong nalaman ko na may donor na si Yuan? Sobra... kasi may reason na ulit s'ya mabuhay, may reason na makapag simula s'ya ulit."

"Alam mo rin ba kung paano mo ako pinatay noon nalaman ko ang ginawa mo?"

"Ang sakit A, sobrang sakit na hindi mo man lang ako naisip, hindi mo man lang kinonsider na mahal na mahal kita"

Yung bawat hikbi n'ya parang tumutusok sa puso ko. Pero ano ba 'tong sakit na nararamdaman ko kumpara sa nararamdaman n'ya.

Three years and she's still hurting.

She stood up, wiped her tears.

Hindi na ako nakagalaw, nandito na s'ya sa harap ko. She knew I was here.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, I looked at her eyes and I didn't see anything. It's blank and cold.

I'm totally speechless. Ang gusto ko lang gawin ngayon ay yakapin s'ya.

"Ayaw mo magsalita?"

"I'm sorry"

She smiled, "I can't even forgive myself" she walked away.

Hinabol ko s'ya at naglakas loob yakapin s'ya.

"I'm sorry" ganito naman ang buhay, when everything seems to fail all you have to do is say how sorry you are.

She didn't move an inch. I sighed before letting her go.

She left without a word.

Gusto ko s'yang sundan ulit pero baka hindi rin ako handa sa mga pwede n'ya pang ibatong masasakit na salita sa akin.

Too broken beyond repair

//So here's Yuan's point of view, nagtime jump ulit tayo//