This Lifetime

Chapter 16

I immediately logged off my account.

I don't need anyone to help me. Because I don't need saving. I'm okay to be not okay.

And to be honest life is easy that way. I want to be miserable than I already was. Fuck everyone.

Mom called inviting me to dinner. I said yes of course, wala naman din akong ginagawa and it's not as if I don't to see them. I want to see how happy they are without knowing that I'm still not fine and will never be fine.

"Wala ka bang balak bumalik sa dati mong work? Gail's been bugging me na i-convince ka"

"Nah, I'm fine Mom, may ipon naman ako and besides sawa na ba kayo ni Dad sustentuhan ako?" She was taken a back, "I'm kidding Mom, pero seriously I want to enjoy life, tsaka na ako magtatrabaho pag ubos na ipon ko" she just nodded but mind you, she eyed me suspiciously.

"Can we talk?" Tita Lana asked, I tapped the empty seat beside me. Nandito kami sa garden.

"I'm sorry" she said.

"Tita..." I sighed "I should be the one saying that" I immediately lookes up the sky because tears' threatening to fall.

I feel sorry for her, she lost his eldest son in order for her youngest to be saved. I know how much Tita Lana love both kahit hindi sa kanya galing si A.

"Don't beat yourself too much Kyla, none of us didn't want what had happened" she held my hand, "I love both of my sons, but what A did is real love, she loved me so much kaya n'ya nagawa 'yon" she almost choke, she's about to cry. God, I love Tita Lana too, and seeing her like this is really heart breaking.

"Hindi ko po alam Tita kung paano ko sisimulang patawarin ang sarili ko" I admitted, "Ang hirap po kasi tanggapin"

"Maybe this would help" tsaka n'ya inabot yung kanina n'ya pa hawak na sobre "Ngayon lang kasi ako naglakas ng loob bisitahin ang kwarto ni Marcus, and I found it beside your picture" kahit gaano ko pigilan, naiyak pa rin ako.

I hugged her.

Nang makaalis sila Tita. Agad akong umakyat ng kwarto.

I stared at the envelope.

I sighed "Maybe reading this will change everything" then I started reading the last words from my greatest love.

My dearest Kyla Amethy Montecarlo-Stevens, God ang sarap sarap isulat ng surname ko kakabit ng pangalan mo.

Noong umuwi tayo dito sa Pinas, plinano ko na ang proposal ko sa'yo. I'm sorry mukhang di na ako makakapag propose. I'm sorry kung hindi ako tumupad sa pangako ko na ipaglalaban kita.

Mahirap yung naging desisyon ko, but I have to do what I think is right. Alam mo kasi mahal na mahal ko si Mama, she's been my greatest love, until I met you. But seeing her so devasted with the news of Yuan's nearly dying because of heart failure, di ko kinaya eh, hindi ko kayang makita si Mama ng ganon. She practically saved my life.

If not for her, baka hanggang ngayon wala akong pamilya. No, hindi ito pagbabayad ng utang na loob. I want this to happen. I'm happy with my decision Babe.

I know how much Yuan loves you, wala naman ibang bukang bibig yan kundi ikaw. And you, I know how much you love me, sorry kung sa tingin mo hindi naging sapat 'yon para lumaban ako.

Nagpacheck-up ako, compatible kami. Nakakatuwa lang, we're not brothers by blood.

I chose this I hope someday you'll find yourself forgiving me. And kilala kita alam kong sinisisi mo ang sarili mo by the time na mabasa mo itong sulat ko. Kaya please find the courage to forgive yourself.

I hesitated to be honest, pero pinag-isipan kong mabuti ang naging desisyon ko. I love you Ky... sobra sobra and I don't want you to feel sorry for any of us. Ayokong nakikita kang nahihirapan mamili.

You can now freely love my brother and me. Dahil kung tutuusin iisa nalang ang puso namin. Maybe this is our destiny.

Maybe our love story will be written again but with a happy ending. I don't regret anything.

I don't regret loving you so much.

This is the best that I can do for the both of you.

Wag mo nang pigilan yung pagmamahal mo kay Yuan, I'll be the happiest if s'ya ang forever mo.

Kuntento na ako that I will always be your choice.

I love you so much Ky... for the past, present and next lifetime you'll aways be my greatest love.

Please take care of our family.

Wag ka nang pasaway ha, patulan mo na si Yuan, baliw na baliw sa'yo yon. Tigilan n'yo na pagpapanggap na okay lang kayo kasi hindi. Okay?

Mahaba na 'to masyado. See you next lifetime kapag hindi ko na kapatid si Yuan, promise ipaglalaban na kita.

Love,

Abraham Marcus Ezekiel Stevens

I am certain this will change everything. I wiped my tears dry, and smiled.

//oh ayan na malapit na ang hinihintay ng lahat, kilig chapters up next//