S L O W T O W N

Locked Away

He wasn't sure what day is was, the imprints of two hands all over his skin made him want to tear it off, a feeling a sheen sweat that wasn't his glazed his flesh, a healing bite wound upon a shoulder he never wanted to see, barely able to change his outfit without seeing what he now deemed as the biggest mistake of his life.

Josh, curled up on his bed, was crying again, sure his face would be stained permanently with glistening streaks.

He was sure he had slept at some point, yet the aching of the bags under his eyes indicated otherwise, days melding into one, too many memories merging into one long badly written screen play.

Perhaps he had been sitting up from three days, or perhaps he had been unconscious, Josh couldn't tell anymore.

Maybe Josh was unconscious right now, and everything was just some horrific ongoing dream that he couldn't wake up from.

He pulled the blanket a little tighter around his body, watching the rain run down his window, collecting on the pane and drizzle down to somewhere he couldn't see, just another reminder of a shower he wished he never took.

There were a few blue zaps of lightening, Josh blinked a few times, the quick flashing momentarily blinding him before turning away from them, now understanding how painful it was to see anything blue.

Blue was defeat after all, or so someone had once whispered to him in sweet words.

He unwraps himself from the blanket, wobbling out into the hallway, ignoring the cheery sounds from the lounge room, wandering into the bathroom, Josh knelt to rattle through the cupboard, pulling out several hair products, thinking maybe a change would help him feel better.

He rolls a couple of jars and tubes of colour on the tiles, delirious, giggling at the sounds they would make upon impact.

He picks up the yellow tube, staring at it really closely, trying to read the wonky label, eyes probably just tripping out from lack of sleep.

A soft knock on the bathroom door startles Josh, he looks up, Jordan leaning in and staring at all the bottles and tubs of hair dye.

"Thinking of a change huh?" Jordan comes over to crouch and look through the assortment with Josh. "Which are you thinking?"

Josh wiggles the yellow tube, gathering up the bleach, humming to himself.

"It was that bad?" Jordan sighs, helping Josh to stand, closing the bathroom door.

Josh yawns and shrugs.

"You only ever do this when something bad happens," Jordan points out, draping a towel around Josh's shoulders, pulling on a pair of plastic gloves as Josh seats himself on the closed toilet.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Josh's gruff, exhausted voice groans, Jordan scoffing.

"You haven't eaten, or slept for three days, and now you're dying your hair again, you have to tell me now," Jordan begins to add powder to paste, mixing the bleach up at the basin. "Please baby brother, I do care,"

"We finally did it," Josh shrugs, Jordan's gaze snapping to Josh.

"You, you did it?" He proudly beams at Josh, who shrugs again. "Oh no what happened," Jordan stops, kneeling in front of Josh, one hand on his knee.

"Nothing really, it was amazing," Josh half grins, face dropping before too much joy is present, the everlasting events replaying over and over.

"Yeah? Was Tyler okay?" Jordan lightly squeezes Josh's knee, Josh nodding.

"He was fine, but he, I found out something about him," Josh let's slip, silently cursing himself, knowing full well he could tell Jordan anything, but he could not tell his brother that his lover was a murderer.

"Go on," Jordan stands again, bringing the bowel over to Josh and dabbing the bleach on slowly at the edges first.

"He," Josh stops to think, unsure of what he could possibly say.

Josh shakes his head.

"Look don't worry, I'm never gonna see him again," Josh sighs, Jordan nodding, trying to lighten the mood.

"Was it because he had a small dick?"

Josh laughs loud, the most genuine feeling he had for the last couple of days.

"Come on you can tell me,"
Jordan nudges him, placing a shower cap over Josh's bleached up hair.

"No that, was fine, trust me,"

"So no more Broseph huh?" Jordan jests as he squats down in front of his little brother.

"There was never a 'Broseph'," Josh rolls his weary eyes.

"So it's more like a, 'No-seph' now?" Jordan grins, Josh shaking his head.

"This is why I simultaneously hate and love you,"

"Aw, you love me?" Jordan mock swoons, Josh giggling.

"Not in the slightest,"

The minutes tick by in silence, Josh on his phone, Jordan whistling and reading the other bottles of hair colour out loud, each in a different accent, once he reaches the red tube in some horrible Texan mock accent, Josh's timer rings out loudly.

Josh ushers him out of the bathroom once it's time to rinse the bleach from his hair, stripping, the bite so indented in his skin that Josh is ready to carve it out, tearing his eyes from the mirror as he steps under the warm water, déjà vu overwhelming, having not showered since the literal fight with Tyler.

Josh closes his eyes for a moment, and he's feeling nails in his back, shoulder aching, warm skin against his, soft kisses, friction and heat between two seemingly innocent partners.

All he can hear is his own name crying out from a torn up voice.

But there's screaming too, quickly diminishing the lovely calls of pleasure, there's violence, he sees the blood spattered couch, he feels the fabric of it pressed against him, tan hands pinning him down, some powerful force tearing his skin, commanding him to stay.

He knows how Tyler feels everytime he closes his eyes.

Josh's eyes open, he's sitting down on the shower floor, gasping for air, unsure how long he'd been down there, knees clutched to his chest.

Josh was sure he was going to die that night, positive if he had stayed any longer, he wouldn't be coming home.

He unravels himself, choking on his watery breaths, forcing himself to stand, sure the bleach had been rinsed out thoroughly.

Shaky legs carry Josh out of the shower, towel drying his fluffy hair, the mirror telling no lies for how blonde he suddenly was, Josh dreading the yellow.

Repeating the process with Jordan joining him again, Josh finally exits the bathroom, hair bright as the sun.

He attempts to eat dinner, not much being consumed, everyone avoiding conversation about Tyler, even Abby looked glum, Josh aware his own depression weighed on everyone else.

He excuses himself, dragging heavy feet towards his room, snuggling up under the covers, the only thing Josh can smell was Tyler, every inch of his bed engraved with a scent Josh just wanted to forget.

His head hits the pillow and for the first time in three days, Josh sleeps.