Two Player Game

~Chapter Sixty~

".....I want - I want to apologize. For the last time we spoke. I said some things that - that I didn't mean. I said some - some awful things. And- and I want to - to apologize. I'm so sorry."

"Me too... I'm so sorry Evan. I-I didn't mean anything I said. I'm so sorry."

"We both - we both said things we didn't mean, I just - it was my fault, Jared, I should've paid more attention, I should've - should've -"

"N-No. no it isn't. I blew up on you. I...... I said I was done. But I wasn't. I didn't mean it." His eyes start filling with tears again. He's very emotional. Evan reaches for his hand, but Jared pulls him into a hug, catching him off guard. He clutches him tightly back, feeling his own eyes start watering. Jared grunts.

"Ev, Evan please." He's in pain. He lets go.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to - I just miss you."

"I miss you too. So much. But I just....... I went through a rough time in the summer......"

"I- what do you mean, Jar?" He's quiet. Waiting for Evan to put two and two together.

"... Jared. JARED." he feels horrible. "You - and I just- Jared, are you all right??"

"No. I feel terrible. I want to die."

"No no no, Jared, no. Don't say that, don't -" he puts his casted hand to Jared's cheek. A tear falls. He isn't the only one who did anything.

"Shhhhhh, no Jared." he pauses. He switches hands. He can't tell Jared not to think like that and comfort him with a reminder that that's exactly what he did.

"It's so bad Ev. I- I-"

"Shhhhhh, I'm here. Focus on me, on my voice, not on that. Jared, I should've never - I should've never done what I did. I missed you." Jared hangs his head to look at his lap.

"Jared. Baby, look at me." Evan has tears in his eyes.

"Jared, look me in the eye" he looks up at him. He's such a mess.

"Jared, I love you so much. I don't want you to hurt yourself again, you said you wouldn't, Jared."

"I-It wasn't me. Most of it wasn't me, Evan."

"Wasn't -? Jared, who hurt you?"

"M-My dad came back to the house. Out of no where. H-he......" he can't say it. Evan can feel the shock run through his body and he forgets to breathe a moment.

"Jared."

"H-he saw what I did. To myself. He did more. WORSE. Told me to- to......"

"Stop, breathe. B- breathe, Jared, I need you to - to-" He's having a hard time too. "Never, Jared, he's wrong, don't - don't you ever -"

"You know why I wouldn't of answered you calls, Evan??? Do you know why I practically disappeared??? Because I was in the fucking hospital for two months!!" He's crying so hard. Evan is taken aback by how he yells. He's having a hard time staying... Breathing.

"J-Jared, please." Jared realizes what he'd just done and immediately goes to help Evan.

"Evan, oh, I'm so sorry," he takes his hand. "Just breath. Breath. In and out. In and out, listen to my voice. In and out." He takes a couple breaths. He should be the one being calmed down. He should be helping Jared, not the other way round. He feels horrible. Jared hugs him gently. REALLY gently.

"I'm so sorry Ev. I didn't mean to yell-" Evan returns it gently as well.

"Don't. You have every right to be upset. You have every right to yell at me, Jared, every right." Jared can't argue with that. He's been through so much. He pulls back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever thought like that it's just-"

"Jared. I get it." he holds his cast up. "I get it." He pauses. Like he forgot how to breathe. Evan lets the tears fall.

"I get it. I know. I- Yellowstone has tall trees and deep valleys, Jared." He isn't breathing. They both tried. Well Jared tried twice but still. Evan notices.

"Jared, please. Breathe, baby, c'mon."

"Evan...."

"Jared you are so important to me, and I need you to breathe and realize we are okay. We are here. It's - it's okay."

"No, Evan it's not okay. I don't know if its ever gonna BE okay." He clutches onto the hem of his Princeton sweat shirt. It's bleeding through.

"It has to be Jared, it fucking has to be, because I'm NOTHING without you! Absolutely nothing! Without you or Conner I-" He waves his cast in front of him. "I try to fucking OFF myself!! Because nothing I do matters unless I've got you and you make me feel like it's got to be okay, and if it isn't then - then I'll end up - I'll just -!!"

"I know you will. And I'm trying Evan, I'm trying my hardest. I really am." Its getting worse. Evan is in hysterics, and it doesn't help when he notices the blood. He jumps to his feet.

"J-Jared, you're -!!!"

"Shit." He rushes into the closest bathroom, being followed by Evan. Evan is so scared.

"Jared, you -?? just earlier, you were -??"

"Right when you called me..." he pulls up his sleeve and his arm is F U C K E D U P. Evan's head spins.

"No no no no no no no, Jared, we need - you need - ambulance."

"I can just wash it off."

"That's a lot of blood, too much blood, Jared, so much -" He's panicking.

"It's fine. Everything is fine, see?" All the blood washes away easily but more comes back.

"It's not fine, it's not, we have to stop the bleeding, I need my first aid kit, I-" is just the sight of self inflicted wounds and blood on Jared that's making his heart race and his head spin and his lungs stop working. Jared's quiet. His arm burns. He's got more. He's not showing or telling Evan though. Evan has to turn around and hold onto something to keep himself on his feet. He's hyperventilating. Jared turns off the water and pulls his sleeve back down, quickly moving to Evan.

"Ev, Evan, baby. Calm down, calm down. You're hyperventilating. W-we'll get your First Aid kit."

"I c- Jar- you-" he feels like he might pass out. He needs to sit down. Jared feels so bad.

"Evan, you should sit down." He nods as he slowly sits down. Jared sits next to him. He doesn't look at him though. Evan takes heaving breaths, calming himself down. Jared pulls his knees to his chest. This is bad. This is really bad. He's got so many more. Most from his dad.

"We need - I need to get you patched."

"Evan-"

"Jared jUST -" he takes another breath. "Just let me do this for you."

"You want to..... you sure you want to patch them up? ALL of them?"

"All of them, Jared. I will clean and patch all of them for you."

"..........okay.. can we just do it where no one else is around? I don't want to worry them."

"Of course, Jared, hell, I'd bring my kit in here or do it in my car if you wanted, I don't care where, I just -"

"Yeah.. fine. Okay." He follows Evan back to his dorm to get the first aid, no one is there. Great. They can do it there. He sits Jared down on his bed and retrieves his kit, getting right to work, carefully cleaning and patching every single injury. He'd underestimated how many there were.