Blinded In Chains -Synacky-

Chapter 13

I had been sitting there for hours, in the same spot, huddled up on my bathroom floor with a bottle of Jack Daniel's and a razorblade. I know cutting is such a stupid thing to do but, it was making me feel better.

Blood continued to seep through the deep cuts on my wrists, slowly draining my face of all its colour as blood started to pool around my hands that were resting heavily on the floor.

I coughed out another sob, leaning my head back against the cold tiled wall and heaving out a sigh, before launching the bottle of Jack across the room. It smashed on impact with the wall opposite me, glass shards flying everywhere and the room filling with the stench of alcohol.

I whimpered quietly, quickly dragging the blade across my forearm again and then throwing the razor in the direction of the shattered whiskey bottle.

I gazed down at the multiple cuts on my arms, smiling wryly as the flowl of blood started to slow. I felt light-headed and knew I'd pass out, but I couldn't care less what happened to me now.

I was absolutely fucking disgusted with myself.

I hurt him, I fucking hurt him. I promised him that I wouldn't and I broke that fucking promise because I let my anger take over me. I didn't blame Zacky for hitting me, either - he was scared and confused and I should have fucking listened to him when he was screaming at me to let go of him.

But I hadn't wanted him to cry, I'd gone with my childish side and just held onto him for dear life, trying to calm his tears but knowing that it wouldn't do any good. And I'd ending up pushing, no, throwing, him down a flight of stairs made of fucking concrete.

He'd probably broken something... He was probably bleeding down there... I started to cry harder then, even more emotional pain invading my body as I realized what I'd done.

And I couldn't go down there to help him, because he wouldn't want anything to do with me.

He wouldn't let me touch him, or come anywhere near him. This pained me, knowing that he was in pain and all I could do was hurt myself as punishment.

I really am a pathetic fucking human being.

*

After several more hours of moping and crying and watching the blood stop running from my arms, I decided to use all my energy and drag myself down to the basement, where I stood at the door at pressed my ear against it, listening intently.

I heard nothing but quiet sobbing, and a few little sniffles. I felt a lump fill my throat as my own tears started to fall, and moments later, I unlocked the door and nervously stepped out onto the stairs that, many hours before, I had carelessly thrown Zacky down.

I heard him whimper as I entered the room, slowly and cautiously descending the stairs.

I looked him over and coughed out a sob, as I saw what I had done to him.

His right arm lay and his side, slumped on the floor at an angle, his fingers curled upwards slightly. There was a huge, dark bruise on his forehead, a thin line of blood from the bruise to his eyebrow. His bottom lip was split and bleeding, a large lump forming around the source of the blood. There was another bruise on his face, a dark shadow cast across his right cheekbone. I could see no other injuries, for the rest of his body was concealed by his clothes. But I knew all too well that there were plenty more cuts and bruises beneath his clothing.

'Zack.' My voice was quiet, vulnerable. He didn't look at me, just like I'd expected. I sighed deeply, pulling the sleeves of my sweashirt down so that he couldn't see what I'd been doing to myself. 'Zack!' I said louder, but he still ignored me.

I crossed the room to him, kneeling down in front of him and looking deep into his eyes, even though he wasn't looking at me.

'Zacky,' I whispered, cocking my head to the side and placing my hand on the side of his face. 'Zacky, look at me.'

'No,' he mumbled, feebly pushing my hand away from his face with the hand that had been laying on the floor. He winced as he moved it, immediately cradling it in his left hand and holding it close to his chest. My lip trembled, as I realized that he'd done something to it.

'Let me see,' I said, reaching for his hand. He pulled it away from my reach, hissing as he did so.

'No!' He mumbled more feircly, fidgeting away from me. I sighed, grabbing hold of his face and making him look at me. He whimpered, cowering.

'Zacky, please,' I whispered desperately. 'Please, please.' He shook his head, closing his eyes and sobbing quietly. 'Zacky I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please, please just stop this,' I begged, tears starting to spew from my eyes.

'N-No,' Zacky said, leaning his head away from me. 'You b-broke your p-promise,' he said more quietly, sounding defeated and weak. 'I thought you... I thought you cared about me.' He opened his eyes and looked at me, his face full of pain and anguish. My jaw dropped, and I instantly threw my arms around him.

'Zacky I do, oh my god I do, don't say that, okay? I never meant to hurt you, Zacky, I love you,' I mumbled into his hair, saying those three words like it was the easiest thing in the world. Zacky writhed in my arms, just like he had before.

'No, no you don't! You're a fucking liar, okay!? You're a fucking liar and I hate you!' He spat, causing me to pull away from him and look at him with a horrified expression on his face.

'Zacky...'

'Don't, Brian!' He snarled. 'Don't fucking bother giving me any more of your shit! I hate you!'

I trembled, my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach as I started to silently bawl my eyes out.

'I'm sorry,' I choked out, making Zacky roll his eyes. 'I'm sorry for what I've done to you, all the things I've said. I didn't mean to break my promise Zacky, it just happened okay!? I just snapped! I never wanted to hurt you, Zacky, I love you!' I pleaded with him, but he just shook his head.

'No,' he said simply. 'No.' He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his right arm on the floor again, sighing loudly.

'I will never, ever hurt you again, Zack,' I vowed, the lump in my throat making it hard for me to speak. 'Never, ever, ever again, okay?' Zacky shook his head, and I closed my eyes, tears still continuing to fall down my face.

'Zacky, you fucking listen to me now, okay? I love you. I have never told that to another

human being in my life, okay? Not one. Because I would be lying. But I say it to you now because I do love you, no matter how much you hit me and scream at me and hate my guts. I have this incredibly twisted, sick love for you and I'm proud of that. I will never hurt you again, because you mean too much to me. You're the only friend I have ever had and I do not want to lose you.'

Zacky sighed, looking up at me with teary eyes.

'You're lying,' he accused, and I narrowed my eyes.

'I am not,' I growled, placing my hand on the side of his face. 'I love with you with everything that I am.' Zack shook his head again, nudging my hand from his face. 'Zacky, what do I have to do to make you believe me?'

'Get out.' I stared at him in confusion.

'What?'

'If you love me so fucking much, get out and leave me alone.' I stared into his eyes, almost pleadingly, but he nodded to the door impatiently. I reluctantly pulled myself up onto my feet, and dragged my feet over to the stairs.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered again, but he just stared blankly at me, almost glaring, half waiting. I sighed deeply, hauling myself up the stairs and out of the room, stealing one last look at Zacky before softly shutting the door.

It was then that I sunk to the floor, and proceeded to break down in tears.