Blinded In Chains -Synacky-

Chapter 19

'DO you care?' I turned my head to my right, staring at the wall, away from the door, ignoring him. It had only been a few minutes since my little outburst, which meant that I was still horribly upset with him, hence why I was ignoring his question.

'Zack,' Brian sighed. I heard his feet on the carpeted floor, and knew he was crossing the room to me. I felt the bed shift next to me, and seconds later I flinched as a warm arm wound its way round my stomach. 'Talk to me.'

I shook my head, using my left hand to feebly push his arm away. It didn't budge. 'Go away,' I mumbled, burying my head deeper into the pillow, as if to suffocate my anger.

'Nuh-uh, I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me.'

I sighed heavily, turning my head round to flash a glare at him.

'Then you're gonna be here a long time,' I said, before returning my face to the pillow.

'I have plenty of time, Zack.'

'Piss off,' I groaned, slamming my head into the pillow repeatedly. 'Can you just get it into your head that I really don't want anything to do with you right now? At all?' My voice was muffled by the pillow, but it still held some sort of ferocity. Brian sighed, his breath shaky.

'Zacky-'

'I care okay?!' I half-shouted, tearing my head away from the pillow to face him. 'I fucking care.' My voice dropped to a whisper, as more tears started to trickle from my eyes.

'You... You do?' His voice was awestruck, but still amazingly happy. I sighed.

'Yes, I do.' There were a few seconds of silence, before Brian rolled me over and pulled me towards him, so close that I could barely breathe.

'I love you,' he whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear. I shivered, not replying to him. I just lay there, wincing in pain as he crushed my right arm. I must have made some sort of noise, because Brian pulled away from me and let go of me, staring at my arm in fear.

'I'm sorry!' He said, panic settling into his voice. I shook my head, turning away from him and rolling my eyes at the fact that he'd hurt me again.

'Can you go away now please?' I growled, glaring out thin air. He sighed again.

'Zack-'

'OUT,' I said fiercly, awkwardly pointing to the door with my left arm. And then everything was silent.

*

        'I'm sorry.'

I looked up from the cigarette in my hand to see Zacky standing in the doorway to the living room, his hair mussed up and his face looking tired.

'For what?' I said coldly, my emotions still unbalanced. I was angry with him but I couldn't let that anger take over me - look what happened last time. Zacky was silent for a moment, cautiously making his way towards the couch. He hesistated before sitting next to me, and when he did he looked at the floor, sniffling.

'Sorry for what, Zack?' I asked impatiently yet with a monotone voice, taking a long drag on my cigarette and sighing as the smoke drifted through my lips.

'Everything.' His voice cracked and a shaky breath left his lips, and I turned my head to see him biting down hard on his lower lip, his eyes tearing up and his lip trembling. 'I'm sorry for every bad thing I've said about you, what I've called you, how I've treated you. I should appreciate the fact that you haven't hurt me-' he paused, looking down at his injured wrist before continuing, 'Well at least not intentionally anyway, or killed me...'

I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off. 'I don't know why but I feel guilty about everything and...' His voice just faded out, a choked sob breaking past the barrier of his speech as he started to cry hard. 'I know that I've really hurt your feelings, Brian, I know...' He stopped, taking a deep breath as he looked at me. 'I know because of this.' He touched my forearm gently. 'And if I could somehow sneak it past you then I would do it to myself right now because that's how much I care about you.' His voice dropped to a harsh whisper on the last few words, his hair somewhat masking the pure agony in his eyes.

He broke our eye contact then, as I felt my jaw drop so hard I thought it would unhinge itself.

'Just thought you'd want to know,' he whispered, before swiftly leaving the room.

'Zacky!' I cried desperately, running after him and just about managing to catch onto the hem of his tshirt as he started to ascend the stairs. 'Don't... Stop doing this. Stop saying things to me and running away, it's not going to make anything better here.'

'Brian,' he whined, clawing at my hand and trying to get away. I fastened both my hands on his hips, holding him in place as I looked deep into the shining emerald orbs of his eyes.

'Do you mean what you said back there?' I asked quietly, nodding towards the living room.

Zacky sniffled, nodding before hanging his head. I nudged the corner of his jaw with my nose, lifting his face so that I could look at him.

'Then what's the problem?' I whispered, seeing his lips curl even further downwards. He nibbled at his snakebites nervously, squirming in my arms.

'Isn't it just a bit fucking weird!?' He said, almost hissed. 'You fucking kidnapped me and took me away from everything I love in this world, and I hate the shit out of you, yet NOW I'm falling for you? How fucked up is that, Brian, hmm? Why do you think I'm fucking acting like this? I am fucking CONFUSED!' He swatted my arms away from his waist and bolted up the stairs, leaving me standing at the bottom of the stairs, my jaw still hanging open.

I wanted to run after him but couldn't, my knees weakening and my feet staying glued to the floor. Zacky was falling for me...?

*

I curled up into a ball beneath the sheets of Brian's bed, my fists balling up infront of my face as I silently cried into the pillow beneath my head. I couldn't deal with this for much longer, this guy was literally ripping me apart. There were too many emotions, too many feelings, too many sensations going through my body that I didn't know what to do, how to act, what to feel.

I didn't know how long I had been laying there, but it had been a while and Brian still hadn't followed me. I rolled around in the bed, or at least, I rolled around as much as was possible with an injured right arm.

But as I rolled over to face the bathroom, a thought hit me.

I wanted to end all of this. I wanted everything to be over, I didn't even want my life back to how it used to be. I wanted it OVER.

I quickly pulled myself from the bed and marched into the bathroom, cursing under my breath as my bare feet landed on the glass bottle shards by the door. But I didn't care, because I had to search the pile of glass anyway.

I knelt down and swept bits of glass away with my fingertips, until I saw a sliver of light bounce off of something. Nodding and taking the razorblade in my hand, I stood up and faced the mirror, and sighed loudly, trying to calm my heartbeat.

I lightly clenched my left fist, gritting my teeth and exhaling slowly as the blade sliced through the flesh of my palm. I held my fist still for several seconds, waiting until I saw small drops of blood plummet to the white tile floor.

Placing the razor on the edge of the sink and flexing my fingers slowly, I quickly removed the sling from my arm and shoulder and bravely held my forearm out, gazing down at the fading scars that littered the porcelain-white surface of my skin, and reminding myself that if I could slice my arm, I could slice any other part of my body if I felt inclined to.

I was sobbing now, breaking down in front of myself. I looked at my refelction and immediately felt repulsed, for no apparent reason. I picked up the blood-stained razor and turned it over in my bleeding palms.

'Zack?!' I heard footsteps on the stairs and my heart skipped a beat, and I instantly pulled my hand to my throat, pushing the blade hard against my skin and bracing myself, sparing a thought for everyone who loved me.

'I am ready to die,' I whispered, looking at my reflection. 'I am ready to die.'

'ZACKY!!!!!' Brian screamed, before I began to drag the razor across my throat.