Blinded In Chains -Synacky-

Chapter 18

'You okay?' He whispered in my ear as I nuzzled close to his chest, wrapping my good arm around him and pressing a light kiss to his collarbone.

'Mmhmm,' I mumbled, tilting my head upwards and softly kissing the underside of his jaw.

'You trying to hint at something here?' Brian said with a chuckle, shifting my weight to look at me. I laughed almost nervously, smiling against his lips as they neared mine.

'No, just...' I trailed off, his lips gently touching to my own and his hands moving to my hips.

'Just what?' He said, pulling away and giving me a somewhat suggestive smirk.

'Nothing,' I said with some kind of shit-eating grin, before bringing my plan into action.

I impatiently smashed our lips together, my hand trailing down the centre of his torso and stopping at the hem of his shirt, tugging it upwards slightly. He pushed my face away gently, arching an eyebrow.

'Have you been stealing my Jack or something?' He said, his voice lower and somewhat husky. I laughed quietly, my heart sinking slightly as I remembered the smashed Jack Daniel's bottle on the bathroom floor.

'No. Just take your shirt off, will you?' I said with fake but convincing impatience. But, Brian looked at me with sad, almost pleading eyes. So he WAS hiding something...

'Zack, I don't-' I cut him off, realizing my plan wasn't going to work, so I decided to just be straight with him... Haha, funny that...

'Brian,' I said almost sternly, looking intently into the glistening mocha-brown depths of his eyes. 'I know what you're hiding, okay?' I saw his face fall even futher, and I saw the shine of tears in his eyes. I saw how hard he was trying to push them back.

'Brian, don't... Oh bloody hell,' I muttered, pressing my lips to his hair and pulling him to my chest. Surprisingly, he didn't weep, or sob, or make any noises. He just sat there, burying his head into my shoulder. 'Talk to me,' I whispered, running my hands through his hair. 'Talk to me or I will lock myself in that fucking basement and refuse to eat,' I threatened, obviously bluffing. But I only did it, because I knew that it would work.

'I'm sorry, okay?' He muttered, sniffling and looking up at me. 'When I pushed you down those stairs, Zack, I didn't mean to, alright? I felt awful, actually more than awful, I wanted to just end it, okay? Just-' he paused, dragging his finger across his throat in a dramatic gesture to suicide. I said nothing, a lump forming in my throat as I patiently waited for him to continue.

'But I knew I couldn't because then no one would look after you, and you'd die and...' He coughed over a sob then, looking into my eyes. 'I hate myself, Zack, I fucking hate myself. Just look at how much I hate myself, Zacky, just fucking look.'

He pulled away from me and yanked up his sleeves to his elbows, causing me to widen my eyes in shock and emotional pain.

His forearms were slashed to the point I was surprised he hadn't died from loss of blood.

His wrists were torn and shredded and sliced, one cut dragging over the next and forming all sorts of intricate patterns over his tattoos. I whimpered slightly, lightly running my fingers across the healing cuts and closing my eyes before looking up at him.

'Don't ever, EVER, do that again,' I growled, looking deep into his eyes.

'Zacky-'

'Shut up!' I snapped, pulling his sleeves down so that I didn't choke up anymore. 'You are a fucking idiot and to be quite honest, I do not want to talk to you right now because I am fucking upset with you!' I sprang up from his lap and crossed the room, before glaring at him. The expression on his face was not too far from mortified.

'How the fuck could you do that!?' I shouted, and he trembled slightly.

'Do what!?'

'THAT!' I pointed accusingly at his arms, irrantional tears spilling down my face. Why the fuck was I crying, what the fuck was up with me lately?

'Why does it matter to you?' Brian shouted incredulously. 'You don't care!'

'What if I do?' I said quietly, my eyes meeting his for a split second before I ran from the room, bolting up the stairs and throwing myself onto Brian's bed, crying out in pain as I landed heavily on my arm.

What, the fuck, was happening to me?