Bad Reputation (Shawn Mendes)

twenty four

I woke up the next morning and rubbed my neck, it was a little sore. I quietly headed straight into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, my hickey turned brown and was started to get darker. I managed to go downstairs without waking Shawn up. I walked into the kitchen and Jake and Char were making breakfast.
"Morning." Jake shouted way too loudly for the morning.
"Ugh." I groaned.
"What's up with you?" Char asked.
"Coffee." I wiped the sleep from my eyes and dragged myself over to pour coffee into a mug.
"How did you sleep?" Jake said handing me a croissant.
I took a bite of the croissant. "Surprisingly well."
"And how was sleeping with Shawn?" Char said raising her eyebrows and smirking.
Jake's eyes widened. "You slept with Shawn!"
I quickly slapped him. "Not like that!" I looked over at Char. "It was fine."
Jake lowered his voice. "Did you do anything?"
I shook my head and Char got closer to me. "Did you want to?"
I was about to speak but stopped myself when Shawn, Syd and Dan all entered the kitchen. I bit my lip and gave Char and Dan a relieved look.
That was close.
We all had breakfast and chilled for the rest of the day, it was a Sunday after all.

***

I woke up Monday morning and decided to go for a new look. I picked out the black mini skirt I bought last time I went shopping and tucked the Ariana top I got at the show on Friday into it. It looked cold outside so I slipped on some black tights underneath my skirt and tied my denim jacket around my waist. The look was a weird cross between casual and dressy but I liked it. I straightened my hair, finished off my makeup, put on some converse and headed out. I walked towards Shawn's car and noticed he was laughing.
Instead of going round to my door, I opened his. "What's funny?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Your outfit."
I looked down at my clothes. "What's wrong with it?"
"Nothing, it's just you're wearing a really nice, top and skirt but then you ruin it with the converse."
I rolled my eyes, shut the door and got in the other side. "I'm not taking my converse off for you Mendes."
"I'm not asking you to."
I paused for a moment. "Seriously, what do you think of it?"
"It's different, I like it."
I smiled and then we drove off. We walked into school like usual and passed the same people we pass every day. We passed Lyndsey and surprisingly she didn't give me a death stare like she always does.
"That was weird." I said to myself.
Shawn looked at me. "What was?"
"Lyndsey didn't even look at me when we passed her, usually she makes a bitchy comment or gives me a death stare like I just killed her puppy."
He laughed. "Maybe that's a good thing."
I thought for a second. "Well I don't trust it."
Monday went on as usual but something didn't feel right. I felt like something bad was going to happen and I couldn't shake it. Me and Syd met the others and ate lunch as usual. Halfway through lunch Lyndsey stood up on a chair and called the attention of everyone in the dining hall.
"What the fuck is she doing?" Syd said way too loudly.
I elbowed her and laughed slightly. Once everyone went silent Lyndsey pulled out a remote from her pocket and began to speak. She pressed a button on the remote that made the back screen on the wall come down.
"As you all know we have a new girl." Her eyes shifted straight over at me. "She's been here for a few months now but I personally feel like we haven't gotten to know her enough."
I looked over at Shawn and gave him a worried look. I didn't like where this was going.
"What you all don't know about our little new girl is that she has a secret identity."
Syd looked over at me and whispered. "What is she on about?"
I ignored her and watched Lyndsey nervously.
"Not a lot of people know this but she used to be fat." She pressed another button an old picture of me popped up on the screen behind her. It was a picture of chubby me sitting on the sofa back at in England just smiling at the camera. Lyndsey let everyone examine the picture before she continued to rally. "She was clearly the type of girl who ate her feelings. In fact I don't think there was anything she wouldn't eat." It was the most innocent picture I've had taken of me. I hated having my picture taken when I was the size I was but my Mum is the type of person who takes pictures to create memories so I had to smile for photos because I didn't want to let her down. The silence that once filled the room soon turned into laughter.
She turned to me. "Looking through your photos Jazz I didn't see any pets in them? Did you not have any? Or did you eat them when you got hungry."
I got up to leave but she spoke up once more.
"What about those craft picture frames we all made as a kid, I'm guessing you were never allowed to make those because you probably ate all the macaroni before you could even stick them onto the frame."
The list of fat jokes was endless and I froze. I didn't not what to do I just knew I had to get out of there. I looked around, found the nearest exit and ran as fast as I could. I ran all the way home and stopped at the front door. I searched my bag frantically to find my keys but they weren't there. "Shit" I shouted slamming my foot into the door.
"Looking for these?" I turned around and saw Shawn standing with my keys dangling in his hand.
"Where did you get those?"
He walked forward and unlocked the door. "You left them in my car this morning."
I walked in and headed straight upstairs. "Are you okay?" Shawn shouted up from the bottoms of the stairs.
"No, of course I'm not okay." My voice broke halfway through my sentence and I could feel the tears coming.
He ignored me and followed upstairs behind me.
I shoved my hair up in a messy bun and threw on a comfortable oversized hoodie.
"It's not that bad." Shawn said reassuring me.
I collapsed onto my bed and buried my head into the pillow. "How would you know?" I could feel myself begin to cry. "I've never been so embarrassed." My voice began to break again as a lump formed in my throat.
Shawn closed the door and sat on the bed beside me. "Come here." He opened his arms and pulled me in for a tight hug making me completely break down on his shoulder. He rubbed my back softly until I stopped crying.
"Feel better?" He softy said, I nodded and he wiped the tears that were left with his thumb.
He looked at me for a moment. "You look cute with that lil bun." He poked my bun and gave me the cutest smile.
I laughed but he could sense something else was wrong. "What is it? It's not just what Lyndsey said something else is wrong?"
"I'm fine." I replied quietly.
He raised his eyebrows. "Come on England, I know you."
"It's nothing."
"Jazz." He said in a serious voice.
I knew that wouldn't work. I sighed. "I guess I'm just missing home, I miss my family. I haven't seen them in months and the time difference makes it harder for us to FaceTime." I paused. "I love it here, I love hanging out with you, Syd and the others but I just miss home so much." I started to get emotional again so he pulled me in for another hug.
When we broke his eyes shifted to the wall behind me. "What's with the pins on the map?"
I caught my breath back and wiped my eyes. "The blue pins are the places I've been and the red pins are the places I want to go."
He examined the map for a second before putting his hand on a red pin pointing to Paris. "Paris?"
"I want to go to Paris, sit on a balcony at 6 in the morning and watch the sunrise with a plate of hot croissants fresh from the bakery down the road."
He stood up and examined the map again. "Iceland?"
I smirked. "Three words, The Blue Lagoon."
"Amsterdam?"
"When I'm older I want to move to Amsterdam. I wanna travel everywhere on my bike and park it outside my house by the water."
He smiled. "You have to own a bike to do that."
I laughed and then his eyes wandered across the poster. "You have so many red pins and barely any blue ones?"
I sighed. "My parents don't get out often."
He walked over to my desk, picked up a red pin and then placed it on New York.
I looked at him. "New York?"
"I haven't told anyone this but my dream is to one day sell out Madison Square Garden."

***AUTHORS NOTE***

IMPORTANT: I am in not in any way fat shaming anyone, I think everyone is beautiful  no matter what they look like.
I myself am not confident with my image in general so I wanted to share some of my thoughts  into this story to make it a little more personal to me.
However I am slowly learning to love myself as I am, it's just taking me a long time.

If anyone doesn't feel comfortable with the way they look and or hate looking in the mirror everyday, it will get better, you will learn to love yourself, it just takes time💛

Instagram: heartofshawnx