Life Support (Septiplier)

Determination

-Jack's Point of View-

I woke up from a surprisingly dreamless sleep to hear a snoring sound from behind me. I wondered why the sound was so close as I rolled over to inspect the source. There Mark was, laying on his back, a blank, slightly happy look littering his face with his mouth slightly open, snoring away. I was confused for a moment, like when you were at a sleepover and you woke up wondering where you were and why you weren't in your own bed at home. Suddenly, the blurred memories of my midnight crisis just flew back to me like I was punched in the head. Embarrassment filled my cheeks with a red colour as I inspected the broad-shouldered man lying next to me. His hair was extremely angry and looked like fire tangled angrily atop his head. The devilish look on his face made me want to grab him and kiss him, but I knew I'd never have the confidence to do that in a million years. The only person with that amount of confidence was asleep in my bed right now.

As I got lost in thought, my mind wandered downstairs to make coffee. I felt a very strong craving for strong, black coffee and I finally brought myself to sneak out of my bed and down the stairs to make a cup. I tried to make the least sound as possible so that once I was done making my caffeine-in-a-cup I could go watch Mark sleep a bit longer. The sleep I had next to him was by far the most peaceful I've ever encountered. In that moment, I hoped that he could sleep next to me for the rest of my life. It occurred to me now that I was falling into the routine that I had made for myself before I had hit the brick wall that was my depression. Something deep inside of me wanted to pull my body upstairs and record a video. I wanted to record a video to tell the fans that I was recovering. That I had, in fact, been hospitalized and it was a product of my mental disease. That I was, in fact, getting help and that Mark was helping me a lot now that he'd come to Ireland. I waited for the thing that usually stopped me from pursuing my thoughts to kick in. The lethargic depression that made my limbs feel like they were moving through molasses. I waited, but it didn't overtake me like it had in the past months. I waited and I then had to assume that it would kick in later. Perhaps after I had downed my coffee and Mark had woken up.

I grabbed the biggest mug I had, filled it with the freshly brewed coffee and walked up the stairs gently so as not to spill the hot liquid on me or wake Mark up before I got in there. When I walked through the bedroom door, however, Mark had already gotten up out of bed and walked toward the bathroom, removing his shirt in the process. I could tell that he had sweat through his shirt in his sleep and he was probably off to take a shower. I watched the perfect muscles in his back and torso as he turned toward me.

"I'm gonna take a shower," he mumbled, shifting awkwardly as he stood still. I admired his bare chest and then my eyes looked up to meet his. I could tell he was a little embarrassed and uncomfortable, his face was a deep red colour and he avoided eye contact with me. I brushed it off and nodded, but when he turned back around, I could notice him walking a little weirdly.

"Everything alright?," I asked, chuckling devilishly a little in my mind as I realized what was wrong. The smile made it onto my face and I blushed a little bit.

"Yep, fine. Just got to take a shower," Mark replied, stepped into the bathroom and turning to close the door. When he turned, I then noticed the front of his sweatpants and blushed very deeply. I thought my face might actually be on fire a little bit and I looked over to the opposite corner of the room, desperately hiding my face. I looked over at my recording equipment and decided that maybe I should record an update video while Mark was in the shower.

I tried taking my mind off of Mark as I got up and sat down in front of the camera that I had set up for vlogs. I put on my glasses and inspected myself in a mirror. I looked terrible, disheveled, faded hair atop my pale and unhealthily skinny body. Brown rings had established themselves under my eyes and accented the sleepy, red look of my eyes. I looked better than I had before, when I hadn't gotten any sleep, but now I only looked slightly less like a zombie.

I shrugged and sat down in front of the vlogging camera, deciding not to do anything about my haggard appearance. There wasn't much I could do with Mark in my bathroom, claiming my combs and such. I pressed record, went over and sat down and stare at the camera. I took a deep breath and let it out, trying to bundle up all my thoughts and put them into words.

"Hey guys, um, my name is Jacksepticeye and I was just wanting to make a video to update you guys on my situation. I know most of you have seen Mark's update video that he so kindly recorded for me while I was at the hospital. I just wanted to talk to you guys about what I've been feeling and why I haven't been posting and all of that......first off, I am so sorry. I know a lot of you are dependent on this content for entertainment or therapy, and you know that I had been consistent with my uploads on YouTube and communicating with my fans up until these past couple of months. A few months ago, I just.....I kind of lost it. A mental disorder that had plagued me when I was younger relapsed and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know....if I was going to make it....." my voice broke then as my heart forced me to stop breathing, "I just....felt like the world had come down on me....." I started to cry, and I cried like I never have before. It was one of those cries where your throats burns and yours eyes swell up and you try not to cry so it hurts even more and tears are clouding your vision and burning a trail down your delicate skin and everything just hurts. "I'm sorry....I didn't mean for you to see this I just....I'm so incredibly lucky t have a job that is so flexible, with such supportive and kind people who will be there no matter what. I'm so sorry you guys. I just.....feel like there's a whole where my heart used to be and I....it gets worse when I try to pour energy into a video. I just.....I don't have the energy to do this right now.....but I promise, I will get better. I will come back. Mark's here. He came all the way from....from L.A. to...." I sniffed and tried to regain my strength, but I started to cry harder at the thought of letting everybody down. I started to cry harder at the thought that I may not get better. Things won't get better for me. No matter how hard Mark tries. I felt a blast of cold air as Mark stepped out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but his Boxer shorts. He was off-camera but he looked so concerned. When he looked at me, all weak and fragile and crying, I saw fear in his eyes. Fear that he might lose me after all. It was the same fear I had when I looked in the mirror after taking all those pills.

"Mark came....all the way from America to help me....and I just know that I'll get better. With his help....and your support....I will get better. Just.... be patient....please. You won't lose me," I say, looking Mark directly in the eyes. Mark struggled into some sweatpants and a shirt before coming on camera with me. He put his hand reassuringly on my shoulder as I wipe the tears off my face and looked back to the camera.

"I think I'm gonna leave this video here....I will see you guys in the next video....when it gets here," I say. Mark smiles and goes to turn off the camera.

I start to cry slightly after that and Mark came up to swallow me into a hug. He shook slightly and I could feel him crying lightly too. I didn't want him to cry. I felt very sad at the thought of a single tear staining his perfect face. I felt very protective at the thought of red appearing in his beautiful, chocolate colored eyes. I realized that this must be what he feels when he looks at me. Once that thought ran through my mind and I realized how miserable I must be making him, I determined that I was going to be better. I was determined to get better, and somehow I knew that I would.

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Kind of crying right now at the thought of Jack being so sad. Also, I'm sorry, I know there were a lot of various emotions in here, but that's kind of what real life is like so I'm not that sorry. Anyways, what are you guys thinking so far? I'd love to hear your comments. And as always, I will see all you dudes IN THE NEXT CHAPTERRR.
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