Foreigner of Reality

1

When someone hurts you, someone who was your sun and your moon, someone who was your source of life, someone who made your every living breathing day better, someone who made your life worth every second, someone who you thought loved you with their entire being hurts you, it's like your entire world crumbles down on you. You question the relationship, yourself, looking for something or someone to blame. You go over everything, the entire relationship, looking for the one thing you could've done different or fixed. Because maybe if that one thing wouldn't have happened then maybe you would still be together. Hours turn to days, days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. Still crying over the guy who took your heart, mended it, taught it to love again, then shattered it. You knew this relationship would never last but you never see the end coming. You want to fight for him back, you want to make him see how much you're willing to fight for him, yet he still left...

Months pass and you guess he never meant it when he said he still wanted to talk to you and stay in your life. You have a few passive aggressive conversations, each one ending in tears, and you want to hate him. You want to hate every inch of his being and yet, he was your first love. How could you hate the guy who taught you about yourself, who taught you a different way to see the world? You just can't. You push yourself and you push yourself to see the bad in him and yet nothing comes to mind. He was just a good guy who loved you and then lost you. What little anger you had was never really towards him. It was towards the situation. You can't blame any one person for the mistakes and the love that was created. You can yell at God, you can stay mad at him, you can curse yourself out, but none of these people are responsible for what happened. Because if it wasn't for the love you had found in him, you would still be the absolute mess of a person you were. You both improved each other through the relationship and no matter how far you crash after the relationship, and no matter how much you convince yourself that you hate him, this was meant to happen. Who knows how much longer you will continue to crash before you start to improve again, and who knows how many more tears you will cry because of him, but eventually you will go back up.

You will forgive everything and move on. You will put him into your past, take a deep breath, and move on. It might take a few more months or much more than that but eventually you will be able to smile at the memories, not cry at the pain of loss. You will finally move on and someday, years from now, you'll see him at the coffee shop where you two met. You'll smile at the memories and say hello. He will be so surprised to see you back in town. You'll get coffee together just like your first date. But this time instead of an introduction, it will be a recap. You'll be able to look at him without a tear in sight and smile. You'll be happy for how well he is doing in his life and he will be proud of you for following your dreams. You'll ask him how is mom and sister are and he will ask you how your brother is. But this time, you will get that proper goodbye. And that would be the end of it all. You will be able to move on knowing there is no anger or tension between either of you, knowing everything that you had always worried about, is gone. Finally taking in a deep breath of air, and letting him go.