Foreigner of Reality

6

My heart was shattered by the one person I thought I could truly trust in my life, I forgive him anyway. My previous best friend forced me into my self destructive tendencies that lasted four years, I forgive her anyway. My coach always told me I wasn't good enough and broke my fingers, I forgive him anyway. My father taught me never to put too much faith into a man, I forgive him anyway. Three guys sexually assaulted me within a year, I forgive them anyway. I bullied myself and hurt myself mentally and physically and forced myself into a very painful pit of despair and I forced myself to stay there for years, I forgive myself anyway. Forgiveness is often the first step into recovery and forgiving the pain. I will never forget the pain I and many others put me through, but I refuse to hold a grudge. That grudge can hold so much anger and hostility and pain, sometimes you just have to let it go. I forgive my scars, I forgive my anorexia, I forgive my depression, I forgive those who hurt me. And though those will forever leave a lasting mark on my heart, it's who I am. I wouldn't want to be any other version of me. Without these life lessons, frankly I don't who I would be now. I love the me I am today; though I'm a little broken and a bit messy, that doesn't mean I'm not beautiful. Yes I'm gaining weight for the first time in years, that doesn't mean I'm not healthy. Yes I'm a bit more abrasive than I used to be, that doesn't mean I'm not happy. These things, they've broken me. But at the same time, they've fixed me. I've loved, I've lost, and I've learned. And I love me. I love who I am for the first time in six years, I love who I am. I love the little things, fuck the flaws, I'm happy to be me. I will never compare myself to others ever again because finally, I'm me.